Past the 500 Mark!

I finally did it! I made it past the 500 mark and now am in the 400's for the first time in over a decade, if not longer. Slow but sure is winning this race.

My blog got mentioned in Reddit and some of the comments were absolutely vicious. Some people were saying I should be losing weight faster if I were "really" trying. But you know what? How many of those super morbidly obese people who lost weight faster put it right back on? I'm making permanent lifestyle changes and the weight is staying off. I'm not yo-yo dieting here.

People assume that I ate 10,000 to 15,000 calories a day. Well, no, I wasn't. My metabolism was tested and just to maintain my current weight I only need to eat 3,000 calories a day. That's right. Just 3,000 calories. So, to lose 2 pounds a week, I eat around 2,000 calories a day. There isn't any way for me to lose it faster in a healthy manner.

Just 98 more pounds and the doctors will be able to take the "apron" off and I'll be able to take care of my own hygiene. I'll be thrilled out of my mind. I'll be able to walk without my knees having to lift my belly out of the way with each step. I'll be able to sit on the couch without needing the ottoman to rest my belly on. I can't wait!

Struggling

I've been struggling for the last month and haven't posted. I don't like posting when I'm struggling for some reason. I feel like a loser during those times. I was up to 513 and am now back down to 506. My goal was to be under 500 by the end of the month. I won't make it and I'm disappointed in myself.

Most of it is emotional eating. Funny, I didn't overeat when my husband lost his job, but when he got a new one, watch out! I was over my calorie range for ten days in a row. Ew? And now we are in the midst of a cancer scare. He might have retinal cancer and it is stressing us out. I've got my eating mostly back under control and have lost what I gained. I can't tell you how much I HATE having to re-lose weight. I'm still averaging 2300 calories a day and I want to run 2000 - 2200. I'll get there, I suppose.

I also really need to focus on exercising consistently. My biggest barrier there is fatigue. I'm so tired all the time. Just the thought of exercising exhausts me. I know that eventually exercise will increase my energy level but it will take weeks or months until I get to that point. Perhaps after my husband's exam on Monday and we know what is going one way or the other, I'll have the gumption to get going on that.

Meanwhile, the spammers have come out in droves. Be grateful that I moderate comments. Yeah, it may take time for your comment to show up, but at least you aren't seeing all the spam comments I'm getting. Sheesh!

Autumn Arrives Soon

Not much to report on this week. I gained a pound but it's not entirely unexpected as I ate out three times in the last three days. While I was careful with my calories, it was highly processed, sodium-laden food. I'll be super careful this week and with any luck will make up for it next weigh-in.

I've updated my 101 Goals in 1000 days. Let's see if I do a better job this time!

I think I tried to do too much last week and have run myself down physically. I need to pace myself better so I canceled an outing today. While I'm a little bummed, I can only do so much.

Week 2 of Plateau Breakage

Another two pounds down. Yay! This just confirms that I made the right choice in stopping the anti-depressants. I saw the weight loss doctor and she wasn't really thrilled with me, "It may take a few weeks for you to see the effects." Blah blah blah. Whatever. Anti-depressants have never helped me that much. Talk therapy and instructional classes have helped me a lot more.

I read Overcoming Binge Eating by Christopher Fairburn. I didn't learn anything new really. I went to a binge eating program a few years ago that got me started on my weight loss journey and I learned much of the information covered in the book back then - stop dieting, don't restrict foods, eat regularly, etc. What I did find interesting was some characteristics of binge eaters: low self-esteem, perfectionism, difficulty coping with stress. Yep, yep, and yep. I wish there had been more advice on dealing with those particular issues.

I'm a social butterfly this week. Going to the pool, have four "dates" with friends, volunteer work. I'm going to need to conserve my energy. Whew!

That's More Like It!

I just knew it was the anti-depressant! I weaned myself off and now I'm regular and I had a nice loss this week. And that's with a slightly higher calorie intake this last week. I ran about 2400 calories a day.

Plus my husband is back at work! He's a tired puppy tonight though. He has to get used to an eight-hour day on his feet after two months goofing off in front of his computer. He said, "It's an ibuprofen night tonight."

It's going to be a busy week. I have a lot of things planned and was counting on him being there to chauffeur me around. (Not that I'm complaining.) Instead I'll be using MetroMobility. Oh fun, oh joy. Wednesday is wound care and lunch at church. Thursday is book club. Friday morning I'll be at the receptionist desk at church then I meet with my weight loss doctor in the afternoon. Sunday I'm meeting up with a friend from LibraryThing. Wheee!

Second Verse, Same as the First

Still no movement on the scale. Since I'm not liking the side effects of the Celexa - no weight loss, constipation, some other stuff even more personal I won't go into, little help with the depression - I'm going to wean myself off it and see if it helps. Also, I have a goal of doing 10 minutes of exercise for 30 days in a row and I started that today. Other than that, there isn't a whole lot more I can do other than what I am doing. I averaged 2209 calories a day for the month. Just 9 calories over my allowed range. And 87% of my days were under 2500 calories.

On another note, there is a local drive in that has fried chicken that we have always loved. Since they were closing for the season (they are closed from October through March), we decided to get one last fix of fried chicken. Afterward, I wondered why I bothered. I think I've lost the taste for it. This is a good thing because the meal always puts me over my calories for the day. And... well... it's FRIED.

Up, Down and All Around

I feel like I'm at a standstill with my weight loss. I had some good losses then gained again this week. I'm only one pound ahead from a month ago. Meh. I'll keep plugging away. I had such great losses a few months ago and now it's come to almost a near stop. I'm frustrated. It just peeled away and now... nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Since my husband has been out of work, I haven't been able to go to the rehab pool as we simply couldn't afford the fees, as low as they were. But I am blessed by being a member of a wonderful church and they have generously donated the money for me to go again. I can't wait to get back in the pool.

It's been a rough few weeks emotionally, but I've managed to not have one binge. Not ONE binge since I started on this new weight loss journey in May. Did you hear that? NOT ONE! That is one success I have to give myself a pat on the back for. Now if it would just show on the (*^(*^$(*^@@# scale!

And My Body Betrays Me - Argh!

The scale and I are arguing again. My calorie ranges are excellent, so it's not what I'm eating. I think it's the anti-depressant I've been put on. It's also constipating me big time. I know, I know - TMI. But that's what you get when you come to my blog! Far too much information. Heh.

So, I've been drinking extra water and taking Colace. Not that it's helping much. Both my therapist and my doctor want me to give it more time. I'll wait to the end of the month then re-evaluate.

Also, oh happiness, oh joy. I had some blood work done and we discovered I'm insulin resistant. It's sort of pre-pre-diabetes. It means that eventually I *will* get diabetes unless I do something about it ASAP. Therefore, I'm going to start taking small steps toward reducing my carbohydrates. I'm not going low carb, but I do want to move toward the lower end of my range. Plus I'm going to add beans and more complex carbs.

Today I cooked up a batch of kidney beans for the first time. I'll try out 3/4 cup of beans with some brown rice, a bit of tomato sauce and a touch of Parmesan cheese for lunch tomorrow.

The Four Hundreds are in Sight!

After a three week plateau, the weight is just whooshing off! I've lost fourteen pounds in the last three weeks. My husband is the laconic, laid-back type so to get my "rah-rahs," I call my mom who gushes over every pound lost. This is such a long battle that even with the consistent weight loss, I need the cheerleading, too, or I lose heart.

Just fourteen more pounds and I'll be under 500! I checked my weight loss folder to see when I last was under 500 and my records don't go back that far. It's been at least 10 years.

I Think This is Finally It

After 20 years of various dieting programs, I think I've finally turned the corner and am on the path to a healthier me. I haven't binged in months and the thought of one isn't appealing in the slightest. Considering the last two weeks of emotional upheaval, it certainly would have been like me to succumb to emotional eating.

We've had dental bills (husband), truck repair, job loss (husband), friendship loss (husband) and acute depression (both of us.) As I said to a friend, we've been married for over 22 years and this has been the worst of the "for better or for worse."

Instead, I've stayed on track and have lost weight. I'm tired of falling into eating and having to lose weight I already lost. The last time I binged, I got no comfort out of it. Just a sore stomach and nausea. I'd done. I don't want to do that anymore. It's hard enough fighting this battle to lose weight without having to lose the SAME twenty or thirty pounds over and over again.

Tracking my food, staying within my calorie range, adding fruits and vegetables - these are my tried and true strategies.

Consistency is Everything

Well, I stuck with it and stayed consistently within my calorie range and guess what?

I lost 7 pounds! Whooo hooo!

I have to admit, I was struggling with motivation and was worried I was going to have to seriously look at surgery no matter how much I didn't think it was appropriate for me. What else could I do? I HAVE to get this weight off.

But I also have to admit that the last few weeks I wasn't being "clean" with my food. I was skipping tracking on the weekends. I was eating a few hundred extra calories a day here and there. Yeah, I wasn't binging or eating horribly. But I wasn't following my plan either. And it showed.

My range is 2200 - 2400 and I averaged 2202 calories this week. And the weight just peeled off.

The plan works when you work the plan.

Plateaus Can Kiss My Lily White... Toe

Third week of the plateau and I'm losing heart. I spoke with my therapist and I'm going to bring my calorie counts in for the week to the next visit. We think I'm not being consistent enough in staying within my calorie range.

We did discuss weight loss surgery and I told her why I didn't want to do it. She said they only reason she brought it up is because she didn't know if the program I was on would get me to the goals I said I wanted and she was concerned with me being out of breath. We came up with a plan that I would reconsider surgery *IF* I ate under 2000 calories a day for 30 days without fail and hadn't lost at least 4 pounds.

However, I'm not at that point quite yet. Right now, I just need to stay within my calorie range of 2200 to 2400 calories every day this week, no slips, and stick with my exercise program. This week that is 2 chair dance songs in the morning, 2 in the evening and marching for 40 seconds every time I get up.

***

People amaze me. They think that if they leave some type of encouraging post, I'll publish their porn/sales/weight loss gimmick link.

That would be a big fat NO.

I had one that really had me going. They sounded so understanding and the link looked like a legitimate weight loss blog. More fool me!

If You Bite It, Write It

If I had to give one piece of advice to someone who wanted to lose weight, it would be to journal your food. It doesn't matter if you count calories, points, or exchanges, just keep track. When I track calories, I lose weight. When I don't track, I don't lose.

When I don't track, I slip in extra snacks, "just one more bite," or another cookie. It's much easier to eat an extra few hundred calories a day if I'm not aware of each bite. It's easier to say, "It doesn't matter." or "I'll be good tomorrow."

There have been studies that show that this plus not skipping meals and eating out less can improve weight loss results.

Struggling with Food and Depression

At least I didn't gain this week.

I'm determined to get "back in the game" and eat clean. This means staying within my calorie range. I didn't track my food over the weekend and certainly overate. Nothing horrible, but enough that I didn't lose anything.

I finally found a good blog by someone who has lost a lot of weight by eating healthy and exercising. It's The Anti-Jared. I like that he shares his emotional journey and I'm going to try to do the same. He's lost 200 pounds so he's a success story for inspiration both for weight loss and to be a better blogger by sharing more of what is going on in my life.

I hurt so much right now. My husband is fighting depression. Add that to my on-going depression and it's like living in a constant fog of pain. I feel worthless. He feels worthless. And we feed on each other's misery. I don't know how to get out of this. Anti-depressants don't work for either of us. They simply don't work for me and they give him horrible side effects. We've both tried numerous brands. We've both starting therapy. I can only hope it will help.

I need to lose weight so I can go back to work so we can get out of this financial hole. It's an absolute misery. I'm on disability and he's hardly making anything. We have just enough to keep a roof over our heads and to feed ourselves. He needs glasses. We both need dental work. The house needs major repairs as does his truck. We haven't been on a vacation in over a decade. We can't get assistance because he makes too much. But he doesn't make enough for us to get the things we need.

Is it any wonder we're depressed?

No, No, No - Wrong Way!

I'm not happy with my weigh-in today. A three-pound gain.

I might have been a little high in calories but not THAT high. All I can think of is since I'm peri-menopausal my cycle is irregular and I haven't had my "friend" for the last two months. I think I'm going to be hit with a vengeance this month since I'm feeling very bloated. My female cycle can also cause me to be irregular in another way which can also cause "bloat."

That plus having lost 50 pounds over the last two months and my body just needs time to adjust. I had started a break on tracking my food but this put a kabosh on it. I need to be super careful over the next week. I do NOT want to start back sliding! Also, my exercise plan has me adding a song to my chair dancing routine and marching in place for 20 seconds every time I get up. Lastly, I'm drinking some extra water. I hope to turn this around right away.

Just Watch Me!

Both my mother and my husband laughed at me.

I told them that doing a triathlon was on my bucket list. They both laughed. Now, I'm not talking about the Ironman Triathlon. I'm talking about what's called a "sprint" Triathlon. It usually includes a half mile swim, a twelve mile bike ride, and a 3 mile run. Or in my case, walk.

Okay. So I weigh over 500 pounds, am pushing 50, and have never been athletic, but, darn it, this is not entirely out of the realm of the possible.

My current exercise routine is chair dancing for two songs and every time I get up, I march in place for 10 seconds. Also, once or twice a week I go to the pool for an hour of exercise.

Next week I'll do two songs in the morning and one song in the afternoon and 20 seconds of marching in place each time I get up. And so forth. The plan looks a little like this:

Week 1: 2 songs/10 secs
Week 2: 2 songs + 1 song/20 secs
Week 3: 2 songs + 1 song/30 secs
Week 4: 2 songs + 2 songs/40 secs
Week 5: 2 songs + 2 songs/50 secs
Week 6: 2 songs + 2 songs/1 min
Week 7: 2 songs + 2 songs/1 min
Week 8: 3 songs + 2 songs/1 min 10 secs
Week 9: 3 songs + 2 songs/1 min 20 secs
Week 10: 3 songs + 2 songs/1 min 30 secs
Week 11: 3 songs + 2 songs/1 min 30 secs
Week 12: 3 songs + 3 songs/1 min 40 secs

Food Journal in Pictures - Sunday

Breakfast (279 calories):



Oatmeal - 1 serving (150 calories)
Skim Milk - 1 cup (80 calories)
Sugar - 1 Tbsp (49 calories)

AM Snack (369 calories):

Duplicate pictures

Cashews - 11 (99 calories)
Lean Pocket Garlic Chicken White Pizza (270 calories)

Lunch (578 calories):


Goulash - 1 serving (376 calories)
Parmesan - 2 Tbsp (60 calories)
Apple - 1 small (63 calories)
Pecan Sandie - 1 (80 calories)

PM Snack (222 calories):

Duplicate picture from Monday

Turkey Snack Bites - 2 servings (160 calories)
Grapes - 1 cup (62 calories)

Dinner (921 calories):


Chicken Breast - 5 oz (156 calories)
Swiss Cheese - 2 slices (100 calories)
Angel Hair Pasta - 3 ounces (315 calories)
Prego Mushroom - 3/4 cup (150 calories)
Steam Fresh Vegetables - 1 cup (56 calories)
Parmesan - 3 Tbsp (90 calories)
Dove Chocolate - 1 piece (54 calories) Not shown

Food Journal in Pictures - Saturday

Breakfast (279 calories):

(Someone decided she wanted to be in the picture, too.)

Oatmeal - 1 serving (150 calories)
Skim Milk - 1 cup (80 calories)
Sugar - 1 Tbsp (49 calories)

AM Snack (307 calories):

Duplicate images

Cashews - 11 (99 calories)
Turkey Sandwich - 1/2 (206 calories)

Lunch (566 calories):

Duplicate from Monday

Goulash - 1 serving (376 calories)
Parmesan - 2 Tbsp (60 calories)
Mott's Natural Applesauce - 4 ounces (50 calories)
Pecan Sandies - 1 (80 calories)

PM Snack (222 calories):

Duplicate picture from Monday

Turkey Snack Bites - 2 servings (160 calories)
Grapes - 1 cup (62 calories)

Dinner (833 calories):


Parmesan Tilapia (5 oz tilapia, bread crumbs, parmesan, I Can't Believe It's Not Butter) (387 calories)
Honey Glazed Carrots - 1 serving (90 calories)
Pasta Roni Angel Hair with Parmesan Cheese - 1.25 servings (388 calories)
Dove Chocolate - 1 piece (50 calories) Not shown
Fla-vor-ice - 1 piece (15 calories) Not shown

Total: 2206 calories

Food Journal in Pictures - Friday

Breakfast (238 calories):

Duplicate image from Monday

Special K - 1 cup (120 calories)
Skim milk- 1 cup (86 calories)
Sugar - 2 tsp (33 calories)

AM Snack (369 calories):

Duplicate pictures

Cashews - 11 (99 calories)
Lean Pocket Garlic Chicken White Pizza (270 calories)

Lunch (640 calories):


Meals on Wheels
Spaghetti with Meat Sauce - 2 cups (480 calories)
Carrots - 1/2 cup (27 calories)
Garlic Bread - 1 small slice (53 calories)
Pecan Sandie - 1 (80 calories)

PM Snack (253 calories):

Duplicate picture

Apple - 1 (63 calories)
Laughing Cow Light - 2 (70 calories)
Triscuits - 1 serving (120 calories)

Dinner (886 calories):

Bottom picture duplicate

Goulash - 1 serving (376 calories)
Parmesan - 2 Tbsp (60 calories)
Caesar Salad - 1 serving (2 cups lettuce, 2 Tbsp dressing, 1 serving croutons, 1 Tbsp Parmesan) (205 calories)
Market Pantry Chocolate Eclair - 1 serving (170 calories)
Fla-vor-ice - 1 serving (15 calories) Not shown

Notes: The dinner entree picture is really out of focus when you look at the large version. There was no way to tell on the camera. Sorry!

Total: 2386 calories

Food Journal in Pictures - Thursday

Breakfast (285 calories):

Duplicate picture

Shredded Wheat - 1 cup (167 calories)
Skim Milk - 1 cup (86 calories)
Sugar - 2 tsp (33 calories)

AM Snacks (312 calories):

Duplicate pictures

Almonds - 15 (104 calories)
Turkey sandwich - 1/2 (208 calories)

Lunch (771 calories):


Teriyaki Pineapple Chicken - 1 serving (334 calories)
White Rice - 1 cup (205 calories)
Mixed Vegetables - 1/2 cup (33 calories)
Brownie - 1.5 ounces (half shown) (198 calories)

PM Snack (253 calories):

Duplicate picture

Apple - 1 (63 calories)
Laughing Cow Light - 2 (70 calories)
Triscuits - 1 serving (120 calories)

Dinner (628 calories):


Goulash - 1 serving (376 calories)
Parmesan - 3 Tbsp (9o calories)
Stream Fresh Broccoli - 1 cup (30 calories)
Brownie - 1 oz (other half from lunch) (132 calories)

Snack (15 calories):

Fla-vor-ice - 1 (not shown) (15 calories)

Notes: I guessed what lunch and the dessert was. The dessert was some time of chocolate/peanut butter bar so I just called it a brownie. The brownie was intense enough that I could split it between lunch and dinner. The entree was sweet with pineapple. So, I'm guessing it was teriyaki.

Total: 2263 calories

Food Journal in Pictures - Wednesday

Breakfast (238 calories):

Duplicate image from Monday

Special K - 1 cup (120 calories)
Skim milk- 1 cup (86 calories)
Sugar - 2 tsp (33 calories)

AM Snack (374 calories):

Duplicate image from Tuesday

Almonds - 15 (104 calories)
Lean Pocket Garlic Chicken White Pizza (270 calories)

Lunch (566 calories):

Duplicate from Monday

Goulash - 1 serving (376 calories)
Parmesan - 2 Tbsp (60 calories)
Mott's Natural Applesauce - 4 ounces (50 calories)
Pecan Sandies - 1 (80 calories)

PM Snack (253 calories):


Apple - 1 (63 calories)
Laughing Cow Light - 2 (70 calories)
Triscuits - 1 serving (120 calories)

Dinner (931 calories):



Chicken Caesar Salad (5 oz chicken, 2 cups leaf lettuce, 2 Tbsp Parmesan, 3 Tbsp dressing, 1 1/2 servings croutons) (531 calories)
Rye bread - 2 slices (160 calories)
I Can't Believe It's Not Butter - 1 Tbsp (70 calories)
Market Pantry Chocolate Eclair Bar - 1 (170 calories)

Total: 2362 calories

Food Journal in Pictures - Tuesday

Breakfast (285 calories):


Shredded Wheat - 1 cup (167 calories)
Skim Milk - 1 cup (86 calories)
Sugar - 2 tsp (33 calories)

AM Snacks (312 calories):


Almonds - 15 (104 calories)
Turkey sandwich - 1/2 (208 calories)

Lunch (762 calories):


Meals on Wheels
Cheeseburger - bun, 5 oz beef, low fat swiss, ketchup (not shown) (402 calories)
Corn - 1/2 cup (60 calories)
Lays Potato Chips - 1 serving (150 calories)
Lemon Bar (?) - 1 serving (140 calories)

PM Snack (222 calories):

Duplicate picture from Monday

Turkey Snack Bites - 2 servings (160 calories)
Grapes - 1 cup (62 calories)

Dinner (1109 calories):


Papa Murphy's Medium Pizza w/ Chicken, Parmesan, Zucchini, Double Spinach, Mushrooms and Creamy Garlic Sauce - 4 slices (2 shown) (1040 calories)

Dessert (69 calories):

Dove is duplicate from Monday.

Dove - 1 (54 calories)
Fla-vor-ice (15 calories)

Notes: Meals on Wheels typically does MUCH better than this but they originally sent me Mexican food and I can't do spicy. When I called to ask if I could get a replacement, this was the best they could do. I added the cheese. The dessert was a mystery. It tasted lemony and sour creamy and had a graham cracker base, so I guessed.

The last two times we had Papa Murphy's I was overly full with four pieces, next time I'm going to see if I can restrain myself and have three pieces especially as a pizza trip typically sends me over my calorie range of 2200 to 2400 calories.

TOTAL: 2689

Food Journal in Pictures - Monday

For the next week, just for something different, I'm journaling my food in pictures. My range is 2200 to 2400 calories per day. Enjoy!

Breakfast (238 calories):


Special K - 1 cup (120 calories)
Skim milk- 1 cup (86 calories)
Sugar - 2 tsp (33 calories)

AM Snacks (312 calories):


Almonds - 15 (104 calories)
Turkey Sandwich - 1/2 (208)

Lunch (566 calories):


Goulash - 1 serving (376 calories)
Parmesan - 2 Tbsp (60 calories)
Mott's Natural Applesauce - 4 ounces (50 calories)
Pecan Sandies - 1 (80 calories)

PM Snack (222 calories):


Turkey Snack Bites - 2 servings (160 calories)
Grapes - 1 cup (62 calories)

Dinner (1124 calories):


Ballpark Franks - 2 (280 calories)
Bread - 2 slices (140 calories)
Hormel Chili w/Beans - 2/3 cup (174 calories)
Cheddar - 1 1/2 ounces (171 calories)
Potato Salad - 1/2 cup (less than shown, 179 calories)
Leaf lettuce - 2 cups (16 calories)
Thousand Island - 2 Tbsp (80 calories)
Croutons - 2 Tbsp (30 calories)
Dove Chocolate - 1 (54 calories)

Notes: Next time we won't have the potato salad. It was too much food.

TOTAL CALORIES: 2462

Finally a Decent Weight Loss Book!

I've been hunting around for years trying to find a book by someone who has lost at least 200 pounds and has good advice. Either they haven't lost a lot of weight. Or it's mostly memoir and very little help. Or they've lost the weight through surgery or in an unhealthy manner.

Finally Thin! by Kim Bensen was just what I was looking for. About a third of the book is about how she gained 200 pounds, lived as an obese person and finally lost and maintained the weight. The second third gives sound advice on how to lose weight that allows that we are all unique people and that one size does not fit all. The final third is recipes.

About the only thing I didn't like was her reliance on highly processed low-fat and no-fat foods. I personally believe they aren't very healthy. But in general, this is the best book I've found on the subject.

Non-Scale Victory

Had a nice lunch from Meals on Wheels yesterday - Chicken Primavera with Vegetables, a bread stick, peas and a brownie. I got halfway through the brownie and realized I was full. Guess what I did? I stopped eating! A CHOCOLATE BROWNIE. And I closed up the container and put it off to the side to have later. Do you have any idea what that is like for me? A miracle, that it what it is.

Now if I had just listened to myself when I realized I was full before having that extra piece of pizza for supper. But one step at a time, eh?

Therapy Homework

I met with the therapist at the Melrose Institute for the first time. She seems nice enough. We didn't get much accomplished as it was an "intake" appointment and it was mostly us going over my history and setting up goals. I got a "homework" assignment though. I am to bring in an object that represents me.

I told my husband about it and he said I should bring in "Lovey." Lovey is a blond teddy bear he gave to me decades ago. She's dressed in a pretty, light blue dress with a silver stars. He said I am like a teddy bear and I'm "cuddly and soft." I said I wanted bringing in my kneadable eraser because it's "an ugly grey blob." The only thing is that it's not big enough so it isn't a "fat ugly grey blob."

So, I'm going to bring in both objects. The best and worst of me.

Birthday Blues

I know a two pound loss is good but it's still disappointing. It's my own fault though. I had three high calorie days this past week so shouldn't surprised. I should be grateful to have lost at all in all actuality. First we went to Benihana's for my birthday. While I ate less than I usually do, it is still not exactly a low calorie meal! Except for the rice, I ate half of everything. I ordered two servings of rice so I could take one home with the other half of my food. I ate the leftovers the following day which meant another high calorie day. Love the shrimp sauce but OMG the calories!

This Saturday we went to Target. I thought it would be one hour trip but it ended up being closer to three or four hours. We were comparison shopping to see if it would be a cheaper place to grocery shop. They are certainly less expensive than Cub or at least comparible. However, we ended up eating lunch there which was unplanned and the choices were pizza or pasta. Again, not exactly low calorie.

I tried to make good choices the rest of the week to make up for those days.

New Pool Workout

I've been meeting with two new pool therapists and I'm working on a new pool exercise routine. It runs about one hour.

Chest High Water:

• 2 walking laps with closed paddles
• 2 side step laps with closed paddles
• 1 grapevine lap
• 2 laps - going on toes, coming on heels
• 2 laps - heels to butt
• 1 lap - marching, knees high
• 3 to 5 minutes of jogging (about 1 lap per minute)
• Otter rolls (hold ball at chest, roll to side, roll back)
• Float on back in V-postion, lightly paddle for 30 seconds x 2
• Reverse push ups? (float on stomach, hold dumbells out straight, slowly bring them down x 5)
  
• Tricep curls with yellow dumbbells (20)

Waist High Water:

• Side Wall Push Ups (20x2)
• 2 walking laps

Hip High Water

• 1 walking lap

Deep Water

• Lobster rolls (float on back, crunch up, switch to float on stomach)
• Flutter kicks (15 seconds as fast as can, 15 seconds rest x 4)
• Cross-country skiing with dumbbells (1 minute x 2)
  

I think I'm forgetting some stuff but I don't have the list right on me at the moment. All I know is that I was bushed!

Don't See Your Comments?

I moderate comments. If your comment doesn't show up after my next post, it isn't going to be published.

I don't publish comments that include links to weigh loss products or schemes. Ever. I think they are all scams. I don't publish comments that are for products period.

I don't publish comments that are degrading or rude. Insulting me isn't going to get me to change. Supporting my efforts will. And I won't give people a soapbox for their particular biases. The weight and hygiene post is a hot spot for negative posts.

I'm not going to publish comments that are basically flirting (!) with me. I'll be celebrating my 22nd wedding anniversary this weekend and I'm very happily married.

Questions, support, comments, and links to people who are losing weight through *healthy* diet and exercise are always welcome.

And She Scores!

I'm such a loser!

The visit with the doctor went well. I lost 33 pounds since the first visit a month ago and 25 pounds of that was fat. I weigh on a special scale - barefoot - that measures my fat. I don't know how accurate it is but my doctor was pretty happy. She wants to see either 70 or 75% of weight loss to be fat (I can't remember which) and I was at 65%. The rest is water, muscle, etc.

To keep the fat loss high I need to keep my protein intake at 60 to 90 grams and exercise. Once I got home I checked SparkPeople and my protein runs over 100 every day, so I need to get better about my exercise.

And then I had another five pound loss this week. Go me!

How Do I Do It?

I've had a couple people ask me how I've lost the weight. Here's my response:

You really are going to hate this but it comes down to:

Eat less.
Move more.

There are no magic bullets.

You need lots of lots of patience. It takes a long time. A really long *(*&^$$&()#* time.

And I journal my food every day. Every bite gets recorded. Even on the "ugly" days. No matter what my calories are, it seems like if I track, I lose. If I don't track, I don't lose. Just being aware of what I'm eating really helps a lot.

Also ADD food. Add more fruits and vegetables. Add a handful of nuts a day. Eat them first. Getting that nutrition in is very important to satiety.

I don't starve myself or restrict my food. I eat anything I want. I just don't eat EVERYTHING I want. Portion control is key! There are VERY few foods that I can't control myself over. They don't come in the house. (Entemann's chocolate donuts and Pepperidge Farm Chesapeake cookies are evil.) But meanwhile, I eat full fat cheese, cookies, candy, etc. But I have a single serving. One ounce of cheese, 2 Oreos, 1 snack-sized Mound, etc.

Final tip: don't drink your calories. Get rid of soda, juice, wine, etc. For the same amount of calories, you can eat a lot of food. For instance, a glass of apple juice is about the same as 1 1/2 apples!

Doctor's Orders #7 - 9

I'm finishing up here since a) my appointment is on Friday and b) my laptop became a paper weight on Sunday and I haven't been able to post.

#7 Make an appointment with a therapist.

I was to make an appointment with one of the Melrose therapists since I have on-going depression and anxiety issues on top of the binge eating disorder. I asked for a specific recommendation and I'll be seeing her at the end of the month. I can't remember the exact date and since I'm in the middle of a restore, I can't get at my calender.

#8 Make a followup appointment.

That's this Friday at 3:30pm. It's going to be nice to weigh in and have a 30+ pound loss. Take that, fat!

#9 Try probiotics, specifically Align.

Supposedly there are studies showing that people who are very obese have a lot of bad bacteria in their gut and with all the antibiotics I've been taking over the past few years with the skin infections, I may have more than most. However, it's $30 a month for these and I didn't want to try two new prescription drugs AND a new over-the-counter at the same time, so I put it on hold.

***

I'm trying to not be disappointed with my one pound weight loss this week.

Doctor's Orders #6

Start on Topomax to decrease appetite and stabilize mood.

Also known as better living through pharmaceuticals.

Prescribed for epilepsy and migraines, it is now used off-label in smaller doses to reduce binge eating.

Oh my god, this stuff is like crack for binge eaters. Where has it been all my life? I haven't had one binge since starting on this miracle drug. That's *22* days without a binge. And I've only had two days where I've been over my calorie range and even that was only by about 500 calorie each time. I've lost THIRTY POUNDS during that time period.

I snuck a weigh in yesterday and the loss is tapering off to something more reasonable, but dang! I am one happy camper.

Doctor's Orders #5

Start on Buspar for anxiety.

I tried Buspar before but didn't take it regularly like I was supposed to. You need to take it three times a day and I kept forgetting my lunch time dose. So, I purchased a three a day pill reminder case and fill it up once a week. Also, I set up Outlook reminders to beep at me.

I'm not so certain the Buspar will help me as I've not had a lot of luck with mental health medications but I'm willing to give it a try. No effect yet but it can take four to six weeks to start helping and it's only been three.

Doctor's Orders #4

Try Stevia instead of sugar.

Hem. Haw. Wheedle.

It's not like I use a lot of sugar during the day. I use two teaspoons in my cereal in the morning. A total of thirty calories. Whoo whee. But the doctor wants me to try to cut calories where I can. Grumble grumble.

I was resistant at first because I don't like chemical sugar substitutes but my friend told me it's from a plant. She also sent me a sample which I've had for a couple weeks. I'm still stalling. I'm going to have to try it at least once before my doctor's appointment on the 15th. So, I'll get to it eventually.

Doctor's Orders #3

I've been taking Metamucil for years for "regularity." I put it in a cup of orange juice until I started having stomach issues earlier this year so I changed over to apple juice. The doctor suggested that I change over to taking it in water. Since I have Metamucil Clear and Natural rather than one of the flavored ones, it seems to be fine. The water tastes a little odd but that's about it and it saves me 60 to 80 calories a day. Plus the doctor says for the same amount of calories I can eat an apple and it would be much more satisfying.

***

And here's my latest crochet project. It was for a silent auction at my church.

Doctor's Orders #2

Eat 1 handful of nuts per day.

I was having problems with feeling hungry all day. The doctor said that one component of it was issues with satiety and that I needed to eat more nutritious foods. Part of this was to eat more fruits and vegetables, the next part was to eat a handful of nuts per day. I particularly like cashews and almonds. So I measure about about 100 calories worth. This comes to 11 cashews or 15 almonds. It didn't seem like it would be enough but it certainly does seem satisfying mid-morning when I get "the hungries."

***

For serving sizes, try:

The Portion Distortion Guide at SparkPeople

How Much Are You Eating? at U.S. Department of Agriculture

***

Finally, a blog by a previously super obese person who has lost a lot of weight without weight loss surgery or any fad diets. Whoo hoo! Check it out. It's very inspirational.

Who Ate My Blog?

Doctor's Orders #1

I need to increase my servings of fruits and vegetables to five per day. This does not include any starchy vegetables such as corn or peas. So far my usual day looks like this:

Lunch: 1 vegetable serving such as 1/2 cup of whatever comes with my Meals on Wheels (T, W, F) or 1 fruit serving which is usually an applesauce (no added sugar) with leftovers (M, Th)

PM Snack: 2 fruit servings such as 1 cup of cantaloupe or 1 apple and 1 pear

Dinner: 2 vegetable servings such as 2 cups of salad greens or 1 cup of broccoli

***

A good article:

Top 10 Reasons You're Not Losing Weight

My biggest reason is #2 Picking Throughout the Day. That is why journaling my food is my most important tool for weight loss.

Why I'm Not Doing Weight Loss Surgery #5

I'm not a religious person yet I feel that God or the Divine or Nature or whatever you want to call it made us to work in a certain way. Our digestive system functions the way it is supposed to. I don't want to mess with how the Creator (whatever She, He or It is) designed me. It doesn't feel right. Why mess with something that is working correctly?

And there is no way back once you have the surgery. It's a one way street. Once you mess with the plumbing, you have to live with the results.

Anyway, those are my current thoughts on the subject of weight loss surgery. I'm sure it's going to come up next month when I see the therapist at the eating disorder institute so I thought it would be good time to get them in order.

Why I'm Not Doing Weight Loss Surgery #4

One of the main side effects of weight loss surgery, one that just about every patient has no matter which type you get is vomiting. I don't THINK so.

Have I mentioned I'm near phobic about throwing up? I will sit for hours nursing ice chips and feeling sick as a dog rather than throwing up and getting it over with. I hate Hate HATE getting sick. Just the thought of it makes me break out into a cold sweat. I have managed to avoid it for almost twenty years now. Every time I have gotten sick is burned into my memory. Once when I drank too much, once when I "smoked" too much, once when I had the stomach flu, and once when I cried too hard and too long.

The need to avoid it was probably caused by being very ill when I was in grade school. I think it was whopping cough. I would cough so hard, I would vomit, usually several times a day. I coughed so much I burst all the blood vessels in my eyes. I had no whites - they were all blood red.

Having the surgery just about guarantees that I will be tossing my cookies on a regular basis. Not me. Not this little gray duck.

Why I'm Not Doing Weight Loss Surgery #3

There have been no long term studies on the effects of weight loss surgery.

There can't be any because the procedures haven't been around long enough. Do the procedures really prolong life? Do they increase quality of life? I am not convinced it's worth the risk especially as other than physical restrictions I have no co-morbidities. I have no diabetes, no heart disease, no high cholesterol, etc. That's not to say they won't happen in the future, but for the moment, I am very lucky.

I've heard too many personal stories from people who have either had the surgery or knew a family member or friend who died or had severe side effects. I'm not talking about "a friend of a friend" stories. I'm talking real people who have lost friends and family to the surgery. Real people who have regained all the weight plus some - horror stories of malnutrition, vomiting, etc.

What are the true numbers of success? I doubt we'll really ever know as the medical profession likes to claim that the surgery works because it's a money maker for them.

Why I'm Not Doing Weight Loss Surgery #2

Before insurance will pay for weight loss surgery you need to have six months of doctor supervised weight loss management. When I have that type of support, I lose weight. Why have major surgery when I could just keep going and continue to lose weight? Especially now that Medicare will pay for a monthly physician visit as long as you are losing weight.

***

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Why I'm Not Doing Weight Loss Surgery #1

Because it's stomach surgery, not brain surgery.

I have binge eating disorder and emotionally eat. That's not going to go away just because they reduce my stomach or digestive tract. And, in fact, if I don't resolve the eating disorders first, not only will I not qualify for the surgery, I will have all sorts of issues after the surgery and will regain the weight afterward.

When I don't binge eat and don't emotionally eat, I lose weight. Period. I have absolutely no problems losing weight with a reasonable amount of calories and exercise.

The thinking part has to come before the physical part and when the thinking part is working, the physical part comes naturally. Why would I do it artificially?

My Own Handicapped Parking

So, the chief of police called me back and let me know that an item would be added to the city council agenda to add handicapped parking in front of our house from the driveway of the next house up the street to our driveway. I can't remember what he called it exactly, but it was put on something like an automatic approval list rather than an item up for debate. In other words, unless someone objects, it's a routine request that should get signed off on with no issues.

The next step will be for the street and maintenance department to mark it off in some fashion. Everything should happen in the next few weeks, which is very cool.

Meanwhile, ever since I've started the medication, my food intake has been great and well within my calorie range. I should have another good weigh in next week if this keeps up.

Diet Questions (Humor)

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: The heart is only good for so many beats, and that is it. Don't waste it on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up the heart does not make you live longer; it is like saying you extend the life of a car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take water out of the fruity bits so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer is also made of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is no pain - good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU ARE NOT LISTENING! Food is fried in vegetable oil. How is getting more vegetables bad?

Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa beans! Another vegetable! It is the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for the figure, explain the whale to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Weigh In - Oh Yeah

Gotta love a double digit weight loss. Ten pounds gone!

On Thursday I had an appointment with a weight loss management doctor at Melrose Institute. This is the group that I did the binge eating disorder program at years ago that got me started on my weight loss journey. However, until recently they didn't have a weight loss program and Medicare didn't cover such services.

What I came away with after the appointment was:

#1 Need to increase fruits and vegetables to five servings a day
#2 Add a handful of nuts per day
#3 Remove fruit juice from diet
#4 Add Buspar for anxiety
#5 Add Topomax for mood stabilization and mild appetite suppression
#6 See therapist for intake
#7 See doctor again in one month

The Topomax is helping a LOT with my hunger. I still get hungry every couple of hours, but I'm satisfied with less food. A piece of fruit, a handful of nuts, a piece of toast, etc. keeps me going until the next meal.

Making Blogging a Part of My Morning Routine

Sorry I haven't been posting like I said I would. It would get to be the end of the day and I would run out of time and energy. So, I've added my blog to the list of links I go to every morning to make it part of my routine.

What links do I go to every morning? So glad you asked! Ha.

Google - news and cartoons (Family Circle and Unshelved)
LibraryThing - my home on the web, books and reading forum
ATCsforAll - artist trading cards
Hennepin County Library - to check my account for coming due books and books on hold
My bank - to check balance and transactions
SparkPeople - especially the 300lb+ Team
Facebook - to check my wall and play Castleville
Calico Reaction - Science Fiction and Fantasy book reviewer
NotAlwaysRight - also NotAlwaysRomantic, NotAlwaysRelated, and NotAlwaysWorking
My Bible Reading Plan - daily reading of the Bible. I'm almost done. Yay! Been a long year.
USA Today Crossword Puzzle
The Cauldron - pagan forum

Whew!

Disabled Parking at Home

In order for me to get in and out of the house, my husband or Metro Mobility needs to be able to park in front of the house on the street. There are two steps (one regular, one small) then a walkway to the street. The neighbors are usually very good about not parking in front of our house as they know about my mobility issues. Their friends and family, however, usually aren't aware and if they park in front of the house, it makes it very difficult, if not impossible, for me to get out.

I called the city to see if there is anything that could be done, perhaps a handicapped only parking sign. I got bounced around from the city clerk to the police department to the police chief. Hey, at least I headed UP the chain! I'm waiting to hear back from the police chief. Maybe he'll have a solution. Even if not, it doesn't hurt to ask.

***

I did well yesterday and stayed under 2500 calories, did 30 minutes of exercise, and drank 8 to 10 cups of water.

Updating More Often

I'm going to try posting more often. I don't know what exactly I'm going to talk about. The minutiae of my life just isn't that interesting but perhaps writing daily will help me keep focused on my goals. Most posts will be short and sweet.

I've been struggling with hunger lately and it's been showing on the scale. I don't know what the deal is but it seems that just an hour after I've eaten, I'm hungry again. I'm getting enough protein and fat, so it's not that. I'll be seeing a doctor on Thursday, so I'll ask her about it. Meanwhile, I'm "forcing" myself to not eat more than every three hours, no matter how hungry I am and I'm drinking water in-between meals.The schedule is:

5am Breakfast
8am Snack
11am Lunch
2pm Snack
5pm Dinner

ETA: Found an article this evening, The Dieter's Dilemma - How to Stay Full in a Calorie Deficit.

Coming Along

Out of the last sixteen days, fourteen have been under 2500 calories. I'm down to 555. I wish it were a bit faster, but I'll take what I can get. I've added daily exercise. Every hour I do chair dancing to one song on iTunes. I'll increase the amount as time goes on.

My husband really laid the law down last night and I have to put my nose to the grind stone and get this weight off so he doesn't have to be my caretaker anymore. Being told that he doesn't feel like a husband any more but rather a nurse and errand boy is certainly motivating to say the least. If I am going to save this marriage, I need to work very hard to get back in shape.

Follow the Bouncing Ball

Dropped to 558, back up to 560. My current short-term goal is to get as many days under 2500 calories as I can. (Two days so far.) Then my next goal will be to try and beat the number of days.

My exercise hasn't been great. It's been really hard to get to the pool without the pool aide to assist me. My husband has to come help after work or we need to go really early on Saturday mornings. Neither are easy to do with him working full-time and needing to run errands. I know, they are just excuses, but I haven't yet gotten into a new pattern. Last week I had lunch with a friend on Saturday and we couldn't afford the gas to do both the lunch and the pool. This weekend he needs to work over-time, so I'll only get one pool visit this week, too.

I'm seeing my doctor about stomach pain and on-going intestinal distress. They've ruled out C. diff and something bacterial. They've done ultrasound. I've got a big gall-stone, but it's not acting up at the moment. I'm leaning toward a diagnosis of GERD or Irritable Bowel at this point. We'll see.

Back to Where I Began

I've time warped back to January 1st and again weigh 560. I suppose I shouldn't feel too badly. I could have continued to binge and put on more weight. I think, as a friend put it, my "don't want to binge" muscle was strengthened by this latest binge as I don't find any value whatsoever in it anymore. Not like I used to. Instead of getting comfort, I got feeling sick to my stomach, less money in my pocket and probably a contribution to my on-going laryngitis (exacerbated by "silent" reflux.)

I've now got nine months instead of twelve to lose that 100 pounds I wanted to. It's still reachable, just a bit more challenging.

Fallen Behind

I've been ashamed to post because I went on a binge streak and have gained a lot of weight. I think I'm finally over it though. I hope this is the last time I lose control like that. It made me realize that overeating solves nothing plus I regain weight I fought so hard to lose and spend far too much money on food.

I'm at 579 and according to my plan to lose 100 pounds in 2012, I should be at 545. That makes me 34 pounds "behind." I have a lot of work ahead of me. I just hope I can take the weight off as quickly as I put it on. I'm keeping my calories under 2400, drinking my water, and doing my pool exercise.

Holidays Were Unholy

Okay, so I started off okay during the holiday but then got up to 565 for a total of 14 pounds regained. I'm heading back down now though and with luck will be on track for losing 100 pounds in 2012. I tried not tracking my food, but that was a colossal failure so I've committed to entering all my food daily - no matter what - for all of 2012.

My exercise hasn't been consistent either and that needs to change. Mostly it's been out of my control. I spent one evening before I was to go to the pool in ER with stomach pains and the following week there were two pool closures. One while I was actually in the pool! I had gotten about 75% of my routine done when we were told to leave the pool because there had been an "accident." Later in the week, the pool aide called me to say there had been another accident and that the pool was closed for the day. Normally it is months between accidents so this was unusual.

The ER visit was basically a waste of time. They couldn't find anything that was causing the pain and told me to take some Prilosec. I did find out that I will eventually need to get my gall bladder out as I have a good-sized gall stone in there. The tech called it a "boulder." Heh.