Sunday, January 20, 2013

Crashed on the Other Side

It's been a bad couple of months. My husband was diagnosed with eye cancer and between dealing with doctors, finances and trying to "be strong" for him, I simply didn't have the time or energy to blog. I did okay with my eating until last week.

He went to Mayo for a second opinion and was told that in ninety percent of the cases like his, it just "sits there." So, he'll go back in two months for a recheck. If there are no changes, then he'll go back in four months, then eight months, then yearly. This is very different than the first doctor who immediately wanted us to chose between radiation or removal of the eye.

This was all such a relief that I went into a week long binge so I'm sure I'm going to have a significant gain this week. Weight loss of this magnitude is a long, hard journey and I didn't get to almost 700 pounds without have major issues with food. They aren't simply going to go away and my first knee-jerk coping mechanism is always going to reach for food. It's obviously getting better or I wouldn't have lost the weight that I have, but I can't kid myself that I'm never going to binge again. The best I can do is keep them to a minimum.

Typically, I just overeat for a meal which can be recovered from almost immediately. But after holding myself together for two months, I fell apart last Monday and into a depressive episode that lasted three days. Then I got into the "I'll start again tomorrow" for a few more days and now it's Sunday and oh, the weigh in tomorrow is going to be awful. Ish.