It's been a bad couple of months. My husband was diagnosed with eye cancer and between dealing with doctors, finances and trying to "be strong" for him, I simply didn't have the time or energy to blog. I did okay with my eating until last week.
He went to Mayo for a second opinion and was told that in ninety percent of the cases like his, it just "sits there." So, he'll go back in two months for a recheck. If there are no changes, then he'll go back in four months, then eight months, then yearly. This is very different than the first doctor who immediately wanted us to chose between radiation or removal of the eye.
This was all such a relief that I went into a week long binge so I'm sure I'm going to have a significant gain this week. Weight loss of this magnitude is a long, hard journey and I didn't get to almost 700 pounds without have major issues with food. They aren't simply going to go away and my first knee-jerk coping mechanism is always going to reach for food. It's obviously getting better or I wouldn't have lost the weight that I have, but I can't kid myself that I'm never going to binge again. The best I can do is keep them to a minimum.
Typically, I just overeat for a meal which can be recovered from almost immediately. But after holding myself together for two months, I fell apart last Monday and into a depressive episode that lasted three days. Then I got into the "I'll start again tomorrow" for a few more days and now it's Sunday and oh, the weigh in tomorrow is going to be awful. Ish.
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I agree with you completely. You can't expect that you will never binge again. That's setting yourself up for failure. All you can do is say, THAT wasn't good, but yesterday is gone and today is a new day. Right? Feeling bad about yesterday's binge TODAY will only make you feel bad today. It's a cycle. Positive thinking is key! :)
ReplyDeleteJust found your cool site Morph & came to this entry last - disturbing news re hubby, do so hope all is okay & you are both well & back on track toot-sweet! Am commencing self-styled "Move with Michael Jackson" & "Dancing with Dyson" weight loss program next week, basically need to halve bw so fingers crossed I'll be visiting your site regularly for inspiration if it sticks for me. Cheers from an Aussie as we celebrate Australia Day long weekend with traditional "naughty" nibbles. Roll on next week...
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear about your husband. I've been reading your blog for some months now, and following your progress. I've been overweight my entire adult life, and like you I have deep rooted psychological issues with food.
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn't be hard on yourself, what you're doing is amazing, and slip ups will happen. Go you! Keep up the great work. Gem x