Weigh In - 580

The weight continues to come off. I believe it is due to three things: 1) portion control, 2) no binging, 3) little to no take out. These are coming about half because we simply can't afford large amounts of food or take out and half due to my decisions. Eventually I'm going to need to put more effort into exercising on a consistent basis. Even though I've lost 40 pounds in the last few months, I'm not physically feeling the difference.

It is just so hard to exercise. Getting my butt up off the couch alone can be an exercise of sheer willpower. Then I walk around the house until I am out totally out of breath - about two minutes - and collapse back onto the couch. I know that in the long run that it will be worth it. But dang, does it have to be SO hard? Maybe I need to bring it down to one minute of walking to start.

There has been a death in the family and my husband has lost his temp job. We found out on the same day, within the same hour. It sent us reeling. My fourteen-year-old nephew's heart stopped during a severe asthma attack. He died on the street in front of his father' s house. Life is so fragile and so precious. Hug your loved ones today and tell them that you love them. You never know.

Things are looking a little bit up as the agency called the next day and said they had a possible job starting on Tuesday. It is better pay, with overtime and a much higher probability of him being hired on permanently. It is my slim hope that this comes through. It will mean he lost his other job just so something better could come about. I hope. I hope.

Weigh In - 590

I've lost over 80 pounds and I'm feeling good. I've been walking to the mail box every day. It was a suggestion from the book The Spark by the creator of the SparkPeople website. I'm panting and wheezing by the time I get back to the house, but I'm doing it!

I haven't been journaling my food but I also am not binge eating or over-eating. Only once in the last couple of weeks have I gotten overly full. I'm eating three proportionate meals and two small snacks. Also, I'm eating at least one fresh produce per day. I'm trying very hard to not make this a huge production. Small, consistent changes are going to be the rule here.

I also just read Women Food and God by Geneen Roth and realize I need to be more present in my body. Oddly enough, her suggestions of making sure you eat food you enjoy is spreading to other parts of my life. I was force-feeding myself the audio book Emma by Jane Austen because I "should" read it. But it really is gag-awful. So I'm not punishing myself anymore by forcing myself to read (listen to) it.

Dewey's Read-a-thon: Wrap-up

1. Which hour was most daunting for you?
My last, 9pm to 10pm

2. Could you list a few high-interest books that you think could keep a Reader engaged for next year?
My Antonia by Willa Cather was wonderful.

3. Do you have any suggestions for how to improve the Read-a-thon next year?
None.

4. What do you think worked really well in this year’s Read-a-thon?
I liked the challenges more. They didn't take too much time. Especially liked the title scramble.

5. How many books did you read?
5

6. What were the names of the books you read?
Juniper by Monica Furlong
A Murderous Yarn by Monica Ferris
My Antonia by Willa Cather
The Sea of Monsters by Rick Riordan
Sleeping with the Fishes by MaryJanice Davidson

7. Which book did you enjoy most?
My Antonia by Willa Cather

8. Which did you enjoy least?
Sleeping with the Fishes by MaryJanice Davidson. The heroine was near unlikeable.

9. If you were a Cheerleader, do you have any advice for next year’s Cheerleaders?
None.

10. How likely are you to participate in the Read-a-thon again? What role would you be likely to take next time?
Very likely. Reader. Hopefully next time be able to donate an Amazon gift card.

Dewey's Read-a-thon: Hour 14

I'm done. Time for bed!

Title of book(s) read since last update: Sleeping with the Fishes by MaryJanice Davidson
Number of books read since you started: 5
Pages read since last update: 173
Running total of pages read since you started: 1,021
Amount of time spent reading since last update: 57 minutes
Running total of time spent reading since you started: 559 minutes

Average pages per hour: 109.5

Dewey's Read-a-thon: Hour 13

Title of book(s) read since last update: Sleeping with the Fishes by MaryJanice Davidson
Number of books read since you started: 4
Pages read since last update: 128
Running total of pages read since you started: 848
Amount of time spent reading since last update: 60 minutes
Running total of time spent reading since you started: 502 minutes
Mini-challenges completed: 1

Dewey's Read-a-thon: Book Scramble

1.yfferil enal - Firefly lane

2.aste fo eend - East of Eden

3. retwa orf pntshleea - Water for Elephants

4.ot lkli a ckomgnrbdii - To Kill a Mockingbird

5. het gtaer ysbtag - The Great Gatsby

6. yrhra tetrpo dna eth lyhdtea wollsah - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

7. ht e rat fo nrgcai ni eht nair - The Art of Racing in the Rain

8.eth mite reslveart efwi - The Time Traveler's Wife

9. eht rlig ithw eht gnodar ooattt - The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

10.ydira fo a mypiw idk - Diary of a Wimpy Kid

11.a kwrlnei ni emit - A Wrinkle in Time

12. het rpoal sxprese - The Polar Express

13.vole dewlak ni - Love Walked In

14.reehw eth dwli hingts rea - Where the Wild Things Are

15.eht ginnhsi - The Shining

16.dnohogigt oonm - Goodnight Moon

17. vwtienrie hwti a pvmarie - Interview with a Vampire

18. eht cretse file fo eesb - The Secret Life of Bees

19. eht raesch - The Search

20. het pelh - The Help

Dewey's Read-a-thon: Hour 12

Title of book(s) read since last update: The Sea of Monsters by Rick Riordan
Number of books read since you started: 3
Pages read since last update: 140
Running total of pages read since you started: 720
Amount of time spent reading since last update: 60 minutes
Running total of time spent reading since you started: 442 minutes

Dewey's Read-a-thon: Mid-event

1. What are you reading right now?
The Sea of Monsters by Rick Riordan

2. How many books have you read so far?
3 completed

3. What book are you most looking forward to for the second half of the Read-a-thon?
Sleeping with the Fishes by MaryJanice Davidson, if I get to it.

4. Did you have to make any special arrangements to free up your whole day?
No.

5. Have you had many interruptions? How did you deal with those?
A few. Just did what I needed to do and went back to reading.

6. What surprises you most about the Read-a-thon, so far?
How little I'm reading. Only about 30 minutes of an hour.

7. Do you have any suggestions for how to improve the Read-a-thon next year?
Nope.

8. What would you do differently, as a Reader or a Cheerleader, if you were to do this again next year?
Not sure how to read more. Life just gets in the way.

9. Are you getting tired yet?
A little.

10. Do you have any tips for other Readers or Cheerleaders, something you think is working well for you that others may not have discovered?
Not that hasn't already been said.

Dewey's Read-a-thon: Hour 11

Title of book(s) read since last update: The Sea of Monsters by Rick Riordan
Number of books read since you started: 3
Pages read since last update: 96
Running total of pages read since you started: 676
Amount of time spent reading since last update: 49 minutes
Running total of time spent reading since you started: 431 minutes

Dewey's Read-a-thon: Hour 10

Title of book(s) read since last update: The Sea of Monsters by Rick Riordan
Number of books read since you started: 3
Pages read since last update: 78
Running total of pages read since you started: 580
Amount of time spent reading since last update: 48 minutes
Running total of time spent reading since you started: 382 minutes

Dewey's Read-a-thon: Hour 9

Title of book(s) read since last update: My Antonia by Willa Cather
Number of books read since you started: 2
Pages read since last update: 49
Running total of pages read since you started: 502
Amount of time spent reading since last update: 30 minutes
Running total of time spent reading since you started: 334 minutes

Dewey's Read-a-thon: Hour 8

Title of book(s) read since last update: My Antonia by Willa Cather (really enjoying this a lot)
Number of books read since you started: 2
Pages read since last update: 72
Running total of pages read since you started: 525
Amount of time spent reading since last update: 50 minutes
Running total of time spent reading since you started: 354 minutes
Book challenges won: 1 - Show Me the Books

Dewey's Read-a-thon: Hour 7

Title of book(s) read since last update: My Antonia by Willa Cather
Number of books read since you started: 2
Pages read since last update: 38
Running total of pages read since you started: 453
Amount of time spent reading since last update: 35 minutes
Running total of time spent reading since you started: 304 minutes

Dewey's Read-a-thon: Name That Book

Guess the title of the book from the pictures.

Dewey's Read-a-thon: Hour 6

Title of book(s) read since last update: My Antonia by Willa Cather
Number of books read since you started: 2
Pages read since last update: 35
Running total of pages read since you started: 415
Amount of time spent reading since last update: 30 minutes
Running total of time spent reading since you started: 269 minutes
Mini-challenges completed: 1

Dewey's Read-a-thon: Picture of the Pile

Here's a picture of Mount TBR. The pile on the left is for the Read-a-thon. The pile on the right is for the next day. Ha!

Dewey's Read-a-thon: Hour 5

Title of book(s) read since last update: A Murderous Yarn by Monica Ferris
Number of books read since you started: 2
Pages read since last update: 107
Running total of pages read since you started: 380
Amount of time spent reading since last update: 67 minutes
Running total of time spent reading since you started: 239 minutes

Dewey's Read-a-thon: Hour 4

Title of book(s) read since last update: A Murderous Yarn by Monica Ferris
Number of books read since you started: 1
Pages read since last update: 66
Running total of pages read since you started: 273
Amount of time spent reading since last update: 40 minutes
Running total of time spent reading since you started: 172 minutes

Dewey's Read-a-thon: Hour 3

Title of book(s) read since last update: A Murderous Yarn by Monica Ferris
Number of books read since you started: 1
Pages read since last update: 70
Running total of pages read since you started: 207
Amount of time spent reading since last update: 40 minutes
Running total of time spent reading since you started: 132 minutes

Dewey's Read-a-thon: Hour 2

Title of book(s) read since last update: Juniper by Monica Furlong
Number of books read since you started: 1
Pages read since last update: 61
Running total of pages read since you started: 137
Amount of time spent reading since last update: 30 minutes
Running total of time spent reading since you started: 92 minutes
Mini-challenges completed: 2

Hour 1 Meme

Where are you reading from today?
Suburb of Minneapolis, couch with canine reading companion in my lap

3 facts about me
I read 200+ books a year, currently going to online school for an Associates in Accounting, married 20 years

How many books do you have in your pile for the next 24 hours?
Twelve:

Juniper by Monica Furlong
A Murderous Yarn by Monica Ferris
My Antonia by Willa Cather
Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie
Sleeping with the Fishes by MaryJanice Davidson
Rattlesnake Crossing by J. A. Jance
Rebellious Desire by Julie Garwood
The Sea of Monsters by Rick Riordan
Shakepeare's Trollop by Charlaine Harris
Eleven on Top by Janet Evanovich
True Seeker by C. E. Murphy
Mister Monday by Garth Nix

Do you have any goals for the read-a-thon (i.e. number of books, number of pages, number of hours, or number of comments on blogs)?
No, no need to stress myself out. This is my fourth read-a-thon and I've learned to just take it easy.


If you’re a veteran read-a-thoner, any advice for people doing this for the first time?
Start with an easy book. Keep some easy books aside for the last couple of hours as well. If you are going for a high number of books stick with easy genres like mysteries and YA and stay away from nonfiction and most classics; they slow you down. Don't try to compete, just enjoy yourself.

Dewey's Read-a-thon: Hour 1

Current title: Juniper by Monica Furlong
Pages read since last update: 137
Running total of pages read since you started: 137
Amount of time spent reading since last update: 62 minutes
Running total of time spent reading since you started: 62 minutes

Co-worker and Confrontation

A former co-worker committed suicide. I wasn't particularly close to her, but we were acquaintances. It seems she took a jet ski to the middle of the lake and shot herself in the head. She was just a few years younger than I am. I understand being in that dark place. I've been there a half-dozen times myself. Fortunately, I got the help I needed and now have the skills to cope if I start to feel that way again. I say fortunately because I needed those skills yesterday. I believe that there are studies that suicide is "contagious" and I certainly agree. I found myself going down well worn pathways of "There is no hope." and "I might as well give up." So, I called up a friend to talk about it and after about a forty-five minute conversation of sympathy and laughter, I felt so much better.

At least until I talked with my mother. After "suicide is selfish" and various questions about my weight and what I am "doing about it" and comments like she worries "they'll have to blow up doors or walls to get you out of the house," I was very upset. So I cried on my husband's shoulder and felt a bit better.

Does anyone honestly think that I don't worry about the same things myself? Does anyone honestly believe that it isn't constantly on my mind? Don't you know how hard I am working NO real life support? Insurance won't cover "weight loss programs" unless you are willing to do bariatric surgery. Which I am not. I don't know ANYONE who hasn't gained the weight back and/or has not had serious side effects. It is not worth it, not for me. And you have to make food and exercise changes that I am struggling with anyway. I would gain it all back! What use is that?

I need a personal REAL LIFE coach. I need medical support - both physical and mental. And I have no idea how to get it. The programs my insurance will cover (binge eating) don't support weight loss. And I can't afford to pay it on my own. My husband is a temp and I'm on disability. I'm to the point where I'm going to write to Oprah and the local news. Perhaps someone would be willing to help me out from the goodness of their heart. Universe, can you hear me? I NEED HELP!

Weigh In - 606, Up 2 Pounds

Well, heck. I guess it's not entirely unexpected. I've had a cold the last few days and I've been doing a little comfort eating. Nothing terrible, mostly chicken ramen, but I've been craving warm and soft foods. I'm also very tired which lessens my ability to make the best food choices. Lastly, my activity has gone from minimal to none. My plan today is to just journal my food. Nothing more, nothing less. No matter what. I've also gotten a load of dishes done which got me on my feet for a few minutes anyway.

One of the hardest things to battle is the sense of hopelessness. There is very little success out there in losing weight and keeping it off, especially when talking about hundreds of pounds to lose. There are a few people who have done it without surgery, and they are mostly men. I'm not sure what that means exactly other than I know I have a very hard road ahead and I simply don't know if I'm up for it.

Different Day, Same Place

The weight hasn't moved much at all in any direction. I've been hanging around 605 pounds for months now. I wish I knew what it would take for me to really get with the program. I need to journal my food and exercise daily. When I do those two things, the weight comes off. I need to be consistent and it's not happening.

There is always an excuse. For example, right now I'm sick and can't exercise. I could still journal my food, but my food isn't great because my will power is weak right now because I don't feel well. So, I don't want to see the calories. And it goes on.

I'm pondering a system I saw someone use to get started on losing a lot of weight. It's "one day on, one day off." I could do that. I can do just about anything for one day. It would also keep me from going on days long binges. I'm trying to make today an "on day" even without the exercise. My food is okay, not great. We'll see how it goes.

Under 600 Pounds!

I'm under 600 pounds for the first time in years and I'm thrilled.

Actually I was under 600 for a very short time last year when I was sick and not eating at all. But this is the first time I did it "on purpose."

I have to say that weighing in daily has really turned the corner for me on weight loss. I no longer have the excuse of "well, I don't have to weigh in for a couple days" that gave me the reason to procrastinate about eating better. Now there is an immediate consequence. Therefore, I am able to keep my focus.

The website, SparkPeople, has also been a huge help. Mostly because I journal my food daily. I'm averaging about 2,600 calories a day. But also, the Team 300 lbs. Plus has been inspirational with various challenges and support.

As time goes on and weight loss slows, I'll need to reduce calories and start exercising. I'm trying to keep to small steps at this time though and it's really working. If I try to change too much, I can't keep it up.

My two "secrets" to success so far - daily weigh-ins and daily food journaling.

Daily Weigh In

I've started weighing in on a daily basis and it is helping so much. Instead of putting off eating healthy since I "have a couple days" until a weigh in, I keep my focus. Since I know what I eat will have an immediate affect on what is on the scale the next day, I am staying within my calorie range. Also, I'm being very firm with myself on counting calories every day. I've got SparkPeople set up well enough that it takes me only about 5 minutes to journal my food for the day.

I've also been as active as I am able to be. Yesterday I did three loads of dishes, five minutes of chair dancing, one minute of walking in place and two sets of arm exercises with a three pound dumbbell.

To save money, I don't have a daily Lean Pocket anymore. Instead I have half a sandwich with my mid-morning orange juice + Metamucil.

I've been getting Meals on Wheels twice a week now and it's working out pretty well. It's a well balanced and portioned meal. Yesterday was mystery meat (turkey, I think) with gravy over mashed potatoes with mixed vegetables, a tiny biscuit (circumference of a silver dollar), a pat of Promise spread and peaches for dessert. Filling, and while not delicious, it was rather tasty.

Independence Day 2010

I declare my independence from unhealthy eating and a sedentary life. I will journal my food today, with a calorie range goal of 2500 - 2600 calories. I will do 5 minutes of chair dancing, 1 minute of walking in place and a set of arm exercises with dumbbells. I will drink at least 8 glasses of water.

My very aggressive goal is to weigh 578 by September 1st. If I don't do this, I will have to look into weight loss surgery as my very last hope. I really don't want to go there. I think it causes more problems than it solves, but I don't think I'll have much choice unless I lose a serious amount of weight - and soon.

Reason #6 Skin Infections

As in, I don't want anymore of them. About seven years ago, I had a skin infection. There were two sebaceous gland cysts under my left belly that got seriously infected. I ended up in the hospital and had to have surgery. They made an incision six inches long and three inches deep between the two cysts. They did not sew it up. Instead, for the next several months my husband had to pack it with gauze. I was in the hospital a week.

Last September, I woke in the middle of the night with severe chills. In the morning I had a 103 degree fever. I thought I had a urinary tract infection, but no, I had cellulitis again. This time there was no cysts, but after a couple days the skin began to weep and ooze. For a month, my skin peeled and my husband had to care for the skin. This time it was with honey-infused gauze. I was in the hospital for a week and went home with a picc line for IV antibiotics. I was on them for a month and it took me near three months to recover my strength and endurance.

I thought I was "safe" for another seven years, but no. Just last month I woke up with chills . Not as bad as the previous time, but still I had a 101.5 degree fever and went to Urgent Care. Sure enough, they sent me to the hospital again. This time the infection wasn't as bad. There was no skin breakdown, I was in the hospital for less than a week and on IV antibiotics for less than two weeks. The picc line was in a bad place that time though - right above my right elbow - which made many activities difficult as well as being more painful.

I don't want to go through another skin infection. I really don't. There isn't anyway to prevent them other than losing weight. I was told many times that I have really good skin, no breakdown and I'm very clean. I guess this surprises the nurses with someone of my weight. So, it's not like I'm not doing something to take care of myself that I'm supposed to. I wish I knew something that would keep infections at bay. But meanwhile, I'm working as hard as I can to lose weight this time.

No more skin infections!

Weigh In: Down 4 pounds

Ahhhh. That's better. I will never understand the scale. Yesterday, still had no weight loss, today, down four. I'll take it! Also, hubby told me that from now on, I get on the scale ONCE during the week even if I don't show a loss. I guess I was getting too emotional there and he only wants to deal with it once a week. Not that I can blame him.

Today I start chair dancing again. I think I'll splurge for Bad Romance by Lady Gaga from iTunes. We are broke, but I think I deserve a little reward, yes?

June 13 Update

I've been stuck at 608 for the last two weeks and I'm feeling hopeless. If I'm plateauing this early, it doesn't bode well for the rest of my weight loss. I'm already reducing my caloric intake by 1,000 to 1,500 calories a day which should provide a solid two to three pound weight loss per week. It's not working out that way though and if I'm hungry all the time NOW what will happen when I need to drop my calories even more?

I'll be increasing my activity. My endurance is about 80% back after yet another hospital visit and IV antibiotics due to a skin infection across my belly. I'll start my chair dancing again this week and then will add my walking in place back the following week.

It is depressing that I feel little enthusiasm and hope for this weight loss journey. Yet I know that I have to keep plugging along no matter how I feel.

Weigh In: Down 3 pounds

Better than nothing, I suppose. I know the healthy amount is one to two pounds, yet I weigh so much, I consider three to be on the low side of an acceptable loss. I know this isn't healthy. But unless I lose five or so pounds, I don't consider it a "good week." Some of that "stinkin' thinkin'", I'm sure. But it is what it is.

I find it frustrating that it takes me twice as long to lose weight as to gain the same amount. And I was hoping the thyroid medication would take hold more than it has. I'm still fatigued, still cold and still not losing weight as fast as I'd like.

Meanwhile, I've added some walking in place to my exercise schedule. It's only for one minute a day but it's better than I'm doing now. So I currently get five minutes of chair dancing plus the one minute of walking in place. Next week, I'll add a minute to the walking and see how it goes. It feels ridiculous to do such short amounts of exercise; however, I guess I need to start somewhere.

Reason #5 Dog Walking

I want to take Maia, my three-year-old Shih-Tzu/Pomeranian, for a walk. The poor thing only gets outside to potty, go to the vet and go to the groomer. She gets enough exercise, we play fetch a couple times during the day. But I'd like to give her more and she could use the stimulation. Oh boy, could she use it. Maybe she'd be a little less neurotic if I could even take her for a short walk. Tomorrow I'm going to start doing walking in place. I'll probably be only able to do it for a minute or two, but it will be a start. Perhaps within six months to a year, I can take her for a walk around the block at least.

Reason #4 Garage Sales

I want to go to garage sales. They are a big thing here in Minnesota during the Summer months. I look for books, craft supplies and containers mostly. Since I can't stand for very long and they aren't conducive to wheelchairs (tight garages, driveway inclines and grassy lawns), I haven't been to one in many years. I want to be able to see a sign and stop spontaneously to peruse the goods.

Reason #3 No Cranes

I do not want to be on the evening news being taken out of the house with a crane or the emergency response having to knock down a wall to get me out. Right now, heaven forbid anything should happen to me at home. The only way I can get out of the house right now is on my own two feet. There is no way for them to take me out on a stretcher. Just not happening. They would only be able to have one person at each end. Unless they put me on the ground and pull me through. That might work. Anyway, still - no cranes.

Weigh In: Down 8 pounds

I'm not down to where I was, but it's been a good week. I've stayed "on program." For me this includes: journal food, three fruits & vegetables, chair dancing, eight cups of water, personal journaling, hug my husband, one hour of crafts. I was over my calorie range twice this week. Once by just a couple hundred, the second time by a lot more. It still worked. Now I need to do this consistently over a long period of time. That is what I struggle with the most.

I've been chair dancing for five minutes once per day. Today I'm adding another 5 minute session, so I'll be chair dancing twice per day. I'll add five minutes every week until I'm up to two fifteen-minutes sessions per day. At that point, I'm hoping I've lost enough weight to start walking in place for a couple minutes at a time.

Friday I have an appointment with an occupational therapist. My regular doctor referred me to OT supposedly to help with the disability insurance. I don't know what to expect; however, I'll take any help I can get.

Reason #2 Car Exiting

Because of my size, when I get out of my car, my body rubs hard against the steering wheel. This causes the skin above my right hip to split. I get four to six inch long splits about a quarter of an inch deep and they bleed. Not only that it freaking HURTS. I want to be able to go places in my car without injuring myself every time.

Reason #1 Toe Nails

My toe nails need to be clipped. I am unable to reach them so my husband has to do it. I have funky nails that make a sharp turn into the nail bed, rather like an upside down "U," which can get painful. If I were doing it by myself, I trim them in such a way that it would hurt the least, but since hubby has to do it by feel and look, it can be very painful to have them trimmed. Add that I am reluctant to add anymore to his plate, I can go months without getting them cut which just adds to the problem.

I want to be able to trim my nails on my own and as often as is needed.

About Me

I've had requests for more personal information. I don't know how comfortable I am with that but I can share a little bit. I'll be celebrating my 20th anniversary with my wonderful husband this summer. We have no kids and two dogs. One is a 15 year old Cockapoo and the other is a 3 year old Shih-Tzu/Pomeranian. We live in Minnesota.

To see what I'm currently reading, check out Morph's May Reading Challenge at LibraryThing.

I feel so badly for my husband. Because of my weight, he has to do everything - grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, dog care, breakfast, everything around the house, the lawn, vet visits, errands, the library. Just everything. I am surprised he still loves me and hangs around.

I've got to lose this weight. To give him his life back, if not my own. He's getting older and eventually he's not going to be able to do everything. Especially heaving that heavy-duty 40 pound wheelchair in and out of the trunk and pushing me around.

Finally Some Movement

First, I didn't journal my food or exercise last week, but this week I have done so and have lost a couple of pounds. I definitely have hypothyroidism (low thyroid) which is a blessing in disguise. The medication should increase my energy level as well as my metabolism which will make it easier to lose weight. Yay! It will be a few weeks before it starts taking effect, but I'll wait! Of greater concern is the tests on my kidney function - too much protein in the outflow. So, I'll be seeing a nephrologist (kidney specialist) come Tuesday.

No Real Change

I had a bad gain last week and I didn't lose any of it this week. I received lab results back and there seem to be some issues with my kidneys and thyroid. So I go in for more tests. I imagine they are part of the issue. The other issue is my need to focus on what needs to be done and make it my highest priority. This week my goal is journaling my food 100% of the time and doing my chair exercises at least five days.

I Hate the Scale

I weighed in yesterday morning and gained so much I was appalled. I'm not going into it here, but it was a double digit gain which is ridiculous because I did NOT eat that much and I'm not PMSing. I wish my body were a bit more logical when it came to weight loss. There are weeks when I figure I haven't lost a thing or even gained and instead I'll lose a lot. Then there are the weeks, like this week, when I think I'll maintain and instead I'll gain a lot. Then there are the times when I think I've lost and I've gained! There seems to be no rhyme or reason except when I starve myself. This doesn't actually happen on purpose but when I was ill last year I lost a lot of weight very quickly as I wasn't eating. It just peeled off me.

So this week I'm being very careful to journal my food, drink my water, exercise, get at least three fruits and vegetables in a day, etc. Hopefully next week this quick gain will be a quick loss and I can get back on track to some serious weight loss.

Back for now

I haven't posted for various reasons. I'm trying again to post at least on a weekly basis. I find it hard to get motivated to do so when I'm not losing weight. Thankfully, I'm not gaining. I've been steady around 610 since January. I need to get focused again and get this weight off. I can't seem to keep motivated for more than a couple weeks. This will be such a long battle and being home alone isn't making it any easier. But if I don't lose the weight, I won't be able to get out to counter the loneliness. Another vicious cycle. I'm not feeling the motivation, I'm tired physically and emotionally. The community at SparkPeople helps, but I need more meat people in my life.

90 Left in 1001 Days

I sewed buttons on two dresses that have been missing them for a long time. It gives me two more dresses to wear but all of my clothes are starting to look a bit careworn. In a few months, I hope to order a dress or two. Maybe for my birthday in June. Though I really don't go much anywhere except for church. (photo by s.red)

I finished David Copperfield by Charles Dickens. It was slow reading but I finally did it. Because of a nasty experience in sixth grade with Great Expectations where the teacher had us learning the book in such yawn-inducing detail, I refused to read Dickens for decades. A year or so ago, I tried A Christmas Carole and while wordy, it wasn't half bad. I decided to try another and chose Copperfield. I read it via DailyLit where you get parts of the book daily by email.



Lastly, got caught up with all the CSI episodes that are available on DVD. I miss Gil Grissom a lot -I had a bit of a celebrity crush on him - but the Laurence Fishburne character, Dr. Ray Langston, isn't all that shabby. He has a warmth that Gil was sometimes missing.

I don't have photos for the remaining tasks I've completed, so I'll take care of them next time I blog.

8 More Pounds

Over the last two months I gained 20-ish pounds and am taking it back off pretty quickly. Eight more pounds and I'll be back at where I was 2 months ago. I'm working toward getting enough off that I can weigh in at Weight Watchers where the scale only goes up to 600. I need to be around 575 or so to figure in clothing and time of day. With the hubby working now (YAY!), we'll need to go in an afternoon or evening where I'll be in clothes and will have had some meals. No naked, empty-stomach weigh in's in public!

I'm doing a "Biggest Loser" contest on the Team 300 lbs. Plus boards at Spark People. I gained 2 pounds the first week and lost 16 (!) the next. I struggle, as always, with participating on the boards. Part of me gets bored and another part sees so little on-going, permanent weigh loss success in others with a lot to lose that I get frustrated. Lastly, of course, is merely me procrastinating with writing.