My First Binge

The first binge I remember was when I was nine or ten years old. Unlike other people, I remember school food fondly. I'm not sure why. Maybe because it was something different than what my mom cooked. Maybe because, unlike at home, I could choose what and how much I wanted to eat without being scrutinized.

They used to serve white rice in these little paper cups about the size of a cupcake lining. At lunch one day, nobody wanted their rice. I'm not sure how it happened - did someone offer me one? Did I ask for one person's and other people heard? But I ended up with a tray full of those little, white paper cups of rice. There were ten or twelve of them and I ate every single one.

I read while I ate, but I'll go into that in another post. I ate and read and read and ate until I couldn't eat another bite. There was a bit of shame attached to it, but mostly I remember the delight I had in being able to eat until I was full rather than having my parents watch and criticize what I put in my mouth. "Leave some for everyone else." "You don't need anymore." "You've had enough."