Short Update

I've been out of control eating for about ten days now and have gained 14 pounds. It's time to stop!

Husband's hours got cut. Then he got laid off. Then he got a new job. Hormones are affecting my moods. Emotional eating is my downfall. I still don't have the hang of handling it. I know all the skills for dealing with eating when I'm down, I just don't do them.

Been back on track with my calories for 2 days and next week I start pool therapy. I'm really looking forward to it. Plus I've signed up to be a leader for a "Biggest Loser" challenge on SparkPeople. Lastly, I've committed to losing 6 to 8 pounds a month for the next three months for another SparkPeople group.

It's Been a Bad Week

And it's a bad day. Found out that my husband's hours are being cut on Thursday and it went all down hill from there. Lost control of my eating. Premenstrual. Bad dreams at night. Having thoughts of ending it all because I'm so bloody tired of fighting. Fighting my weight. Fighting with mental illness. Fighting with financial problems. Everything is such an effort and I'm exhausted. I know I'll come out the other side. I always do. But being in this dark place sucks big time. In a few days, I'll have hope and energy again. I just need to get through them without doing anything stupid. So, I'll write here. I'll tell my husband. I'll journal. I'll keep myself busy and stay gentle with myself. My eating is back on track and I'll try to keep it that way. Just for today. I can make it through today.

Keep on Trucking

No change this week either. It's not entirely unexpected as my food isn't where I want it to be. I'm more on track this week and staying within in my calorie range. I've been speaking with Rick B. who was featured as one of the 80 people in What I Eat. He's lost over 200 pounds with diet and weight loss surgery. Faith, one of the authors of the book, connected me with him. And on SparkPeople I connect with people who have lost a lot of weight without surgery as well. I need to keep the hope alive that I can lose this weight - even if it takes me longer than I want it to. I'm really looking forward to August when I start my swimming program. That should kick off some decent weight loss as well.

Steady As She Goes

I maintained this week which is fine since I had a binge episode on Saturday. Thankfully, since I've taken various eating disorder classes and gone to therapy, I get myself under control a lot faster . Perfection isn't expected, but I've certainly made progress. Binges would last days or weeks, if not months. Nowadays one day is my limit. I also allow myself one "free" day a month. So, it's early this month. What can I say.

However, it's taking a couple days to get my calories back down to the 2200 - 2400 a day range. My stomach got stretched a bit and I'm finding that I'm running hungrier than usual. I'm getting closer though and by tomorrow I should be back on track.