Saturday, July 20, 2013

Tired of the Hate

Four years ago I wrote a blog entry called Morbid Obesity and Toilet Hygiene. It has since brought about the most traffic to my site... and the most hateful, obnoxious comments. Comments I refuse to publish but I do end up having to read. And after another spate of comments from Reddit today, I'm done. I'm deleting the post. I'm struggling too much with my binge eating disorder. And the more emotionally upset I am, the more I hate myself, the more anxiety and sadness and self-disgust I feel, the more I want to binge. I've actually had suicidal thoughts tonight because the comments have become so vicious and I've taken them to heart.*

I want to share my story with other people like me - the super obese. The people who are very fat and want to lose weight and do it on their own. No surgery and no gimmicks. Yes, I'm losing weight slowly. No, I'm  not going to listen to people who tell me to cut out certain foods. I'm going to listen to my therapist, my nutritionist and the people in my binge eating support group.

There are no good or bad foods. You must learn to listen to your body. Eat mindfully and in moderation. Eat from all the food groups. Don't restrict and don't binge. The weight will and does come off.

My choice is either to delete the post or delete the blog. Since I'd rather keep the blog as I hope that it is inspiring to others who are struggling, for now I'm deleting the post as it's the only way I can keep going.

*Don't worry. I've spoken with a loved one, processed the emotions and am in no danger. It's still terribly painful though.

58 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you're having suicidal thoughts. Please don't hurt yourself. You are valued as a human being. If you feel like hurting yourself, seek help. Reach out to someone. Sending you good thoughts.

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    Replies
    1. Laura, I did reach out to my husband. I'm safe. Thanks.

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  2. Good for you

    Forget all the things that those horrible people have said. Don't ever give up, Don't ever lose hope, and don't ever forget that you're beautiful.


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    1. Thank you. It's one thing I have going for me. I never give up. Never surrender.

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  3. I came here from Reddit. Good for you for deleting the post but keeping the blog. Keep up the good things in your life, and damn the ignorant assholes.

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    1. I really don't understand the cruelty of most of the people I've seen post at Reddit. It amazes me. Thank you for being one of the few positive ones!

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    2. Just FYI, there are people posting supportive and admiring stuff about you too! Unfortunately the waste of perfectly good oxygen types are apparently the ones who decided to share their views with you personally.

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    3. I genuinely think that it's only a small fraction of unfortunately vocal and immature people from Reddit. Keep in mind that a huge percentage of Reddit is teenage boys. They talk before they think. And they almost literally know nothing.

      I think most of Reddit are good people and that often comes out. Even in the link to your post, there has been a positive discussion initiated. A few people with weight conditions have discussed their challenges and several members of the Reddit community have offered support. I'm sure that most of them would offer support and encouragement to you as well if they had a conversation with you.

      Best of luck

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    4. I came here from Reddit as well. I wanted you to know that you are an inspiration. The post you deleted made my fiance reassess his life. He is bordering on morbidly obese. He wants to change and I am certain he will.

      You wrote about an embarrasing reality. A reality that could easily belong to any one of us. Your honesty and life experiences are nothing to be ashamed of. You are actively trying to help yourself. Recovery is a 'one day at a time' process. Do not be ashamed of who you were. Do not be ashamed of who you are.


      I think you should write a book about your struggle with binge eating and your goals. Your progress and desire to change your life for the better can inspire so many people to make positive changes in their lives.

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    5. I came here from Reddit, too. And, I am disappointed to find the blog has been deleted although I understand. I discussed it with my sister when I first read it some weeks ago and shared the link with her. We both admired your immense courage in sharing such a personal story. Just know that there are many people cheering you on from all over the world and wishing you much success on your journey. Keep sharing!

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  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  5. Hey, I'm a young female and I came from Reddit too and I suffer from being overweight. My girlfriend is the same way. I planned on linking her the post about hygiene but to my dissatisfaction, it's gone. Is it possible you have a copy of it?

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  6. People are cruel...good luck on your weight loss. maybe check out keto, there's a subreddit on reddit for it and has helped many people. people are very supportive. I'm working on my own weight problems and keto diet is really working. I wish you the best and keep your head up.

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  7. Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I actually came here from the reddit post. I also want to say that I'm so sorry they were being so cruel to you. You're obviously struggling very hard to better yourself, and I want to congratulate you on that. 170lbs is amazing and you should be proud of the progress you've made. Don't let shitheads get you down. I really wish you the best of luck.

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  8. You are doing a wonderful job. I think you're amazing. Keep it up, darling. I'm rooting for you.

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  9. I came here from Reddit also and read the post shortly before you deleted it. I commend you for your bravery and strength and wish you good luck in your future weight loss endeavors. Try not to let the comments bother you too much, many of the people who come here from Reddit are children or at least have the minds of children. I also have a slight eating problem especially when I get depressed or anxious; I'm female and at 5'5 I weighed about 260 at my highest weight a few years ago. I just had my 2nd child a few months back and I'm now around 180. I know how hard it can be to get motivated and how much embarrassment and anxiety can come along with weight loss but try to keep your head up, keep making small changes and they will build up and make big changes for the better for your life.

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  10. I feel very badly that this happened. I hope you will continue to find strength in your journey. The reality of the internet is that there are trolls everywhere -- people with nothing better to do but to say hurtful things to people. They don't even probably mean it -- it's just that the anonymity of the internet makes them fail to see people on the other side of these posts. Frankly, too, I think the people who make hurtful comments probably have low self-esteem.

    So this should only be a reinforcement that there are negative people in the world, not that their views reflect reality. The reality that I think most people understand is that obesity is a complex physical and psychological condition that can be overcome with commitment and assistance from knowledgeable and encouraging people. Keep going. You can make it to a healthy weight with continued commitment and strength.

    I wish you the best of luck.

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  11. Hi Morph! I'm a redditor and it is a shame how many reacted but I just wanted to let you know that I am SO proud of you! You are an amazing person and incredibly strong.

    Please PLEASE don't let people like this derail you from your goals. There are alot of shitty people out there in various forms and there always will be.

    You're doing a great thing both for yourself and for others that are obese, thin, and in between. I'll be keeping up with your blog from now on and am rooting for you! You can do it! I can't wait for your 2013 progress picture.

    Much love,

    Sevana

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  12. I am also here from Reddit, and I want to apologize for all of the ignorance. Your post was one of the bravest I have ever seen (and I spend way too much time on the internet.)

    As someone who has never really dealt with issues of weight for myself, my eyes have recently been opened to binge-eating disorder. While I was never terribly discriminatory towards obese individuals, your blogs and stories from others have really helped me in my efforts to better understand the complexity of obesity. Because of this, I have been able to become a more effective ally, and I am very grateful.

    I am so sorry that you had to go through this, but from the brief glimpses into your life that I have gotten, it seems clear to me that you are strong enough to weather this storm! You are a very impressive lady, and I wish you the best of luck.

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  13. I am so, SO sorry to say that a big chunk the onrush of awful commentors came from a subreddit that I help run. I want to extend to you the biggest apology I can manage, we do NOT in any, way, shape, or form condone or encourage the actions that you saw. In fact, people will and have been banned and reprimanded for it. We did not catch the link in time and people came in with their pitchforks, and that was NOT right of them, it was NOT okay, and we're doing our best to fix the problem. The original poster of the blog link has since removed himself from our sub and deleted his account. I just wanted you to know that we are truly sorry, we do not support what happened here, and we're taking action against it.

    I wish you the best of luck in your journey. All the best!

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  14. Also from Reddit, I am very sorry to hear that members of the community would fly a Reddit flag when posting hate speech. Some of the younger ones seem to need closer parental supervision.

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  15. I'm another one from Reddit. I'm so sorry you had to take down the post, I'm sorry you had to read such hateful comments :( Keep up the good work and don't let those assholes win.

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  16. I'm sorry you received so many nasty comments. While there certainly are plenty of good people on reddit (I hope I'm one of those!), the rude ones tend to overshadow the kind ones. I'm sorry that this happened and that you had to delete your blog post, but I'm glad that you didn't delete your whole blog. I think that it's neat that you have this blog, and I really commend you for your weight loss and for being so open about everything. You're a lot stronger and a lot more admirable than the ridiculous people who left you hateful comments.

    Keep up the great work! =)

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  17. Hi-

    I came from Reddit- not to gawk or make fun of you, but to learn more about what morbidly obese people go through. It definitely opened my eyes a little.

    I, too, struggle with my weight. I would like to recommend a community in reedit called "LoseIt"... It is extremely supportive, and full of knowledge. There is no judgement!

    I will bookmark your blog and visit occasionally! Can't wait to hear more about how fabulously you're doing!

    Hugs!

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  18. I came from the place that linked to you today. I'm sorry everyone was so horrible. I think your blog is really inspirational and I'm already taking some of your advice. It comes on the heels of my doctor telling me I've got to lower my cholesterol, so it was a good time to find a blog like this.

    I'm really sorry people have been cruel. You do not deserve it.

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  19. I also came from Reddit. We aren't all awful. I'm rooting for you, you've made wonderful progress so far.

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  20. Sorry for the haters, I wish you well, and you seem to be doing well! I congratulate your choices for losing weight and having a more healthy life. Be patient and keep the good work! You are very valuable and an inspiration for a lot of people!

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  21. A suggestion, maybe you can have a close person to moderate the comments for you, it's very important that you don't subject to unnecessary emotional stress.

    Love!

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  22. Don't worry about those from Reddit. It's summer and we have all the middle and high schoolers on there at the moment who think it's funny because they can say whatever they want and there won't be any consequences. They have yet to learn human decency. Please don't think that is how Reddit is, because it's not. It's just full of kids at the moment.

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  23. I think that it was very brave of you to post something so intimate, unfortunately there are people who don't know how not to be obnoxious. I wish you the best of luck with your weight loss, loosing 170 pounds is really amazing!

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  24. I am also from Reddit.

    I read your post last night and all the comments that went with it and it was amazing to read about everyone's struggles, and all the great suggestions others offered! It was such a delicate topic, but you approached it with so much honesty you can tell it inspired others to share their struggles. Anyways after, I spent an hour reading your blog!

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  25. Sorry, 2 part comment!

    Anyways, I think you should start to blog more! It seems as though that has helped you keep yourself accountable for your actions.

    I just want you to know that although I have never struggled with an eating disorder, your blog gave an amazing window into such a deeply personal struggle. I do understand though, that what you're dealing with is a disease! Food is your addiction, just as others struggle with alcohol, illegal drugs, or even prescription drugs. It's super easy to tell someone to just not eat today (or have a drink etc), but unless you have battled addiction, you don't understand how your heart is telling you to have a salad but your brain will tell you t eat everything in sight.

    Please don't let these teenage assholes bring you down. By the comments on your blog, you have helped so many people with general life issues, but also to start losing weight and make healthier choices. You have made such progress with losing weight! You have worked hard and you have done an amazing job!

    My heart aches for you, and I am so so sorry this happened, I asked the mods to delete the post, but it hasn't been done. :( You have done a phenomenal job of leading by example, and I hope you continue to do so and your weight loss journey finds you nothing but the worlds greatest success and happiness.

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  26. I'm here from Reddit as well. I read your blog yesterday, but didn't read the comments. Thank you for the information and experiences you shared. I had only heard speculation about how such things were handled, and it was good to hear first hand experiences. Good luck with your weight loss. I wish you the best, and thank you again.

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  27. Hey, I'm also from Reddit and I am so, so sorry about the negative feedback you got from Reddit. The original poster of the link to your blog had intended for the post to be a purely informational link, not as a way to mock someone. It's no excuse for how you were treated, but as someone who's been on the site for a while, this is definitely not representative of the majority of people on the site. I really hope you're doing well with your recovery; please don't let some idiots on the internet get you down.

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  28. I'm so sorry for the negative comments. I am also from reddit and wanted to apologize on behalf of the users who have been cruel. Don't listen to ANY of them, this is an excellent blog and you are an inspiration. Hang in there.

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  29. There are no bad and good foods? Really?

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    Replies
    1. Yes, this is pretty much true for the matter of weight. Its all a matter of calories in vs calories out.

      Past weight, there are certain things that are bad (Trans fats) and certain things that are good (vitamins).

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    2. Fast food is very bad and sugar as well. I feel just awful after splurging on fries and greasy burgers and donuts. It does not happen often.

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  30. Redditor here, sorry about the hateful comments. Anonymity makes people go nuts and they don't realize there is a real person reading those comments. Please keep in mind that for every one of these jerks there are a handful of us who empathize with your struggle.

    Good luck!

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  31. I really appreciate all the support from everyone coming from Reddit. It was a most unpleasant evening last night and a much better morning today thanks to all the fabulous comments. I'll be re-reading them in the days to come as I continue this journey. I'll try to post more often. Thank you!

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  32. Please ignore the bilge from Reddit --- We're not all like that. I think you're beautiful, strong, and incredible. Sending the sincerest of encouraging vibes your way!

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  33. I found your blog because the post in question was linked on reddit. I've read through so many of your posts, and actually saved you to my RSS feed under the category of "Happy", because I find what you say to be so inspiring and upbeat. I'm not overweight or working at losing weight; it's just that everything you say makes me feel so great about life. You're so positive and lovely. I saw your goal about going on a trip "up north". I'm not sure what that means for you, but we're "up north" in Canada, so come visit us. :)

    Sorry that people have been awful to you.

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  34. Please don't lose hope. Everyone has some kind of struggle. 170 pounds is amazing and you're doing a fantastic job. My grandma went from 400 to 200 in the course of a year or two by eating mostly fruits and veggies and I was so proud of her.

    You are valuable, all you did was share a very personal experience and there is much more to you as a person than what's on the outside (and you're proving that even that can be changed). Sending love & support from California! Keep going, you can do it!

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  35. I also came across the post on Reddit and while I initially found it distasteful, I changed my mind after reading the comments. They were wonderful in their compassion and creativity. To see those comments span over the course of several years was astonishing and humbling.

    I took the opportunity to read a handful of your posts in your archive and in those posts I saw the writing of a beautiful woman, loving wife and graceful human being. I prejudged you and I want to make amends and ask your forgiveness.

    Your post contained so much significant information--I can scarcely appreciate the resource you provided to so many people who happened to stumble upon it through Google--and I am sad to see that resource go because of people like me who reacted inappropriately.

    I apologize and am sorry for intruding into your space and causing you suffering. I have bookmarked your blog because I realized that you can teach me a thing or two about compassion and grace and I look forward to reading more of your archive and upcoming posts, should you choose to continue.

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  36. Don't let nasty people get you down (although I know it's hard!). I will never understand why some get pleasure from cruelty to others. You are courageous and your writing is powerful. Glad you did not delete your blog.

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  37. Another Redditor here.
    Don't let the haters mess with you. You'll achieve your goals, and they'll still be angry and bitter. You can do it! :D

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  38. We love you Morphy! Don't let negative jerks have any effect on you! You are doing wonderful in your weight loss journey and remember all the support you get from people that know and love you!
    XO Chelle from LT

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  39. I suffered from anorexia when I was younger. The mindset is the same although the outcome is different. I have been fully recovered for many years and have become somewhat of a gourmet cook. The temptations are always there especially when I see someone super skinny. I don't weigh myself at all. I eat now quite a bit. Your journey will lead to good results. Nobody should judge others. Best.

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  40. It's unfortunate as I thought it was quite an informative post.

    There's the My Fitness Pal website (google it) which allows you to track calories and food values easily, there's a huge forum with loads of helpful information. Best of luck with your transformation. Godspeed.

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  41. One more Redditor here.

    I'm sorry that some people were so cruel to you. You are a fellow human being, no better and no worse than the rest of us.

    For what it's worth, I think you sharing your experiences publicly is incredibly brave. I wish you nothing but the best of luck in your journeys. You are important. You deserve nothing but happiness and support. Good luck to you. And thank you for sharing something so very personal.

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  42. Honey,
    I know it sounds trite but don't feed into their ignorance and self-righteousness. I think EVERYONE struggles with overdoing something; it's just that your struggle is visible. I read your blog for inspiration for my own weight struggles. I think you're on the right path--no obsessive dieting, drugs or surgery to fix it, but a path toward wholeness and health. May God help you on your way. Keep at it and it will get better.

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  43. Yes, please don't ever delete your blog. It is difficult to find others who understand. The closest thing I have to a support group is Weight watchers, which is always filled with optimism. Don't get me wrong. That is all well and good, but sometimes I just want to speak the truth. NO EVERYTHING IS NOT FINE! I can't breath today. My leg is leaking fluid again from the edema because my grandma's cat barely scratched it. Under my stomach NEVER feels clean, not matter how many times I shower. Christmas gifts I receive are to help me with that "personal hygiene", which is totes embarrassing at work. AND TO BEAT ALL, my doctor keeps reassuring me that I will NEVER lose weight without surgery because I am simply too big. Yeah. It's true, but what can one expect from a free clinic. Anyway, the point is....Reading others' trials and triumphs, like your blog, reassure me that I am not alone in my battle to lose weight. Thank you and sorry about the "haters".

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  44. Keep writing the blog. I have a blog too, and I often get hateful comments, too. I rarely read the comments at all, because the negative ones depress me, too. But I also get positive comments sometimes, which are encouraging, and I'm sure you do too. I only read the comments when I'm in the mood to deal with the negative ones, which is only once in a while, and I would advise you to do the same. Also, consider the source of your critics, blow past their hateful comments, and move on to the good people's comment who are posting more encouraging words.

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  45. I've followed you for 3 years, checking in once a month or so. That post you wrote was for super obese people, written to help people to not feel alone in struggles such as the ones you wrote about. I'm overweight, but not super obese, but I appreciated the candidness of the post because people need to hear about other people like them sometimes- it helps to deal with feeling alone. When people are hopeless, they lose stamina to keep trying. If you identify with others who have your problems and you see those people still trying, still fighting through, it's inspiring. I keep following your blog because you never quit, and you are amazing.

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    Replies
    1. Lauren, thank you. My personal motto is Never Give Up. Never Surrender. It's from Galaxy Quest and is often said with a sense of humor and rebellion. I will beat this!

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  46. I respect you for posting something so difficult. It's easy for someone who isn't struggling with that kind of eating disorder to say hurtful things because they just don't understand and/or because they like being cruel. To them it's as easy as well don't eat so much cake! As someone who has had to struggle with eating and knowing when to stop, it's NEVER as simple as just put the fork down. Again. I respect you and I respect what the steps you're taking for your health and well being. I read the post and I thought it was very honest and brave of you to write.

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