Tired of the Hate

Four years ago I wrote a blog entry called Morbid Obesity and Toilet Hygiene. It has since brought about the most traffic to my site... and the most hateful, obnoxious comments. Comments I refuse to publish but I do end up having to read. And after another spate of comments from Reddit today, I'm done. I'm deleting the post. I'm struggling too much with my binge eating disorder. And the more emotionally upset I am, the more I hate myself, the more anxiety and sadness and self-disgust I feel, the more I want to binge. I've actually had suicidal thoughts tonight because the comments have become so vicious and I've taken them to heart.*

I want to share my story with other people like me - the super obese. The people who are very fat and want to lose weight and do it on their own. No surgery and no gimmicks. Yes, I'm losing weight slowly. No, I'm  not going to listen to people who tell me to cut out certain foods. I'm going to listen to my therapist, my nutritionist and the people in my binge eating support group.

There are no good or bad foods. You must learn to listen to your body. Eat mindfully and in moderation. Eat from all the food groups. Don't restrict and don't binge. The weight will and does come off.

My choice is either to delete the post or delete the blog. Since I'd rather keep the blog as I hope that it is inspiring to others who are struggling, for now I'm deleting the post as it's the only way I can keep going.

*Don't worry. I've spoken with a loved one, processed the emotions and am in no danger. It's still terribly painful though.