Thursday, December 10, 2009

Growth & Fear

My basic issue of growth is how to deal with fear in a functional manner. Most of my life has been spent in the avoidance of fear and anxiety. I've been hiding from it as long as I can remember. It's the fears of abandonment, loneliness and rejection. The irony is that the activities I've used to cope, especially eating, have increased my isolation. I've worked at cross-purposes with myself.

My lesson is that I need to stop avoiding life and achieving my goals due to fear. To "feel the fear and do it anyway" as Susan Jeffers says. Because avoiding the fear has exacerbated my situation and made it more likely for people to reject and abandon me.

I also need to understand and accept that I'm of person of value just as I am at this moment. That rejection isn't automatic emotional torment and that when people reject me, it's more about them than about me.

When I was growing up, avoidance was the only way I could cope with the dysfunction in my family. I hadn't been taught any other way and it sometimes it simply wasn't safe to "be there." But it's gone on too long. I'm in mid-life. I've been running from negative emotions for almost 25 adult years and it's not working. It's time to try something else.

It's time to be courageous and not give into the fear. Acknowledge it. Then put it on the back-burner. Fear doesn't need to be the main course anymore.


  1. I adore your blog and would love to hear more from you! You're a fantastic inspiration, and I hope you're doing well. :)

  2. I stumbled upon this blog quite by accident. Instantly, you captivated me. I've read every, single post you've written here.

    My dear, your soul is a butterfly. You have such incredible beauty and such enormous value, regardless if your weight ever gets below 600 pounds. You've taken such courage, to write so candidly as you have here. You embody courage.

    Please, continue to write. I so want to read more about you ~ to witness your story unfold. Know that someone does accept you, love you, value you, support you, not just when you feel like you're winning, but also when you falter and 'fall down.'

    For 2010, resolve to tell fear to buzz off. Tell fear this ain't her year. And tell yourself you CAN.

    I leave you my email address; please use it, should you ever want to connect. If you feel discouraged or ashamed, or alone, reach out. I will always reach back.


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