Short Update

I've been out of control eating for about ten days now and have gained 14 pounds. It's time to stop!

Husband's hours got cut. Then he got laid off. Then he got a new job. Hormones are affecting my moods. Emotional eating is my downfall. I still don't have the hang of handling it. I know all the skills for dealing with eating when I'm down, I just don't do them.

Been back on track with my calories for 2 days and next week I start pool therapy. I'm really looking forward to it. Plus I've signed up to be a leader for a "Biggest Loser" challenge on SparkPeople. Lastly, I've committed to losing 6 to 8 pounds a month for the next three months for another SparkPeople group.

It's Been a Bad Week

And it's a bad day. Found out that my husband's hours are being cut on Thursday and it went all down hill from there. Lost control of my eating. Premenstrual. Bad dreams at night. Having thoughts of ending it all because I'm so bloody tired of fighting. Fighting my weight. Fighting with mental illness. Fighting with financial problems. Everything is such an effort and I'm exhausted. I know I'll come out the other side. I always do. But being in this dark place sucks big time. In a few days, I'll have hope and energy again. I just need to get through them without doing anything stupid. So, I'll write here. I'll tell my husband. I'll journal. I'll keep myself busy and stay gentle with myself. My eating is back on track and I'll try to keep it that way. Just for today. I can make it through today.

Keep on Trucking

No change this week either. It's not entirely unexpected as my food isn't where I want it to be. I'm more on track this week and staying within in my calorie range. I've been speaking with Rick B. who was featured as one of the 80 people in What I Eat. He's lost over 200 pounds with diet and weight loss surgery. Faith, one of the authors of the book, connected me with him. And on SparkPeople I connect with people who have lost a lot of weight without surgery as well. I need to keep the hope alive that I can lose this weight - even if it takes me longer than I want it to. I'm really looking forward to August when I start my swimming program. That should kick off some decent weight loss as well.

Steady As She Goes

I maintained this week which is fine since I had a binge episode on Saturday. Thankfully, since I've taken various eating disorder classes and gone to therapy, I get myself under control a lot faster . Perfection isn't expected, but I've certainly made progress. Binges would last days or weeks, if not months. Nowadays one day is my limit. I also allow myself one "free" day a month. So, it's early this month. What can I say.

However, it's taking a couple days to get my calories back down to the 2200 - 2400 a day range. My stomach got stretched a bit and I'm finding that I'm running hungrier than usual. I'm getting closer though and by tomorrow I should be back on track.

Oh Yeah, Eight Pounds Down

I won't say that I've broken the plateau yet. I said that last time and it wasn't true. So, I'm taking a wait and see attitude. If I lose again next week or the week after, THEN I'll say I'm back on my way again.

I'm working on getting more produce into my diet. I've been of the opinion that a calorie is a calorie is a calorie. And in a way that is accurate, but I read an essay in What I Eat and it explained how when we cook or process food that we break the components down which makes it easier for us to digest the food. So this means the body has to work harder to digest a hundred calories of an apple, for instance, than it had to work to digest a hundred calories of a cookie.

I'm up to 5 to 6 servings of fruits and vegetables (aka "freggies) a day and I'm trying to make more of them raw. I had my husband pick me up some baby carrots and I dip them into a bit of light Ranch. Yummy.

Pool Therapy

It seems I might not have explained why I was after a bathing suit. Since I lost 100 pounds, I haven't had any more energy than when I was heavier which didn't seem right to me. I contacted my doctor and asked if she thought physical therapy would help me. She recommended pool therapy at the Courage Center. They have a zero-entry pool that is specifically engineered for the disabled.

I had several obstacles to overcome. The first being a bathsuit that would fit me. Through Sanctuarie I was able to order a custom-fitted bathing suit. My second obstacle was - would I be able to change clothes twice without assistance (into and out of bathing suit?) Third obstacle was - would I be able to handle the heat? The pool is 92 degrees. Whew.

Well, I went last night for my first time and it was AWESOME!!! I have a fabulous trainer and my biggest concern, the heat, wasn't an issue at all. In fact, at times I got a little chilled. Now I know why they have the pool so warm. I struggled a bit with changing but took my time and it worked out. The trainer was kind, informative, and "touchy-feely" - which fits my personality perfectly. I am so happy! I'll be going twice a week.

I got into the pool and was able to MOVE, to WALK. It was amazing and I burst into tears. The trainer gave me a big hug and we went on to do 30 minutes of gentle exercise.

Insurance will pay for twelve appointments a year so we are going to meet for six appointments then I'll do independent exercise for a few months until I need to ramp it up and then we'll meet a couple of times, etc. I'm just waiting to hear from Scheduling to set up my appointments.

I am a very happy lady today.

Here We Go Again

Back up three pounds. So, less calories, more vegetables, more exercise, and more water are in order. I'm dropping my calorie range to 2200 to 2400, will do chair exercises every day and drink two liters of water.

Also, I need to try to figure out some ways to reduce my sodium intake. It's a challenge because a) I need foods that I can reheat for lunch since I can't stand for long and b) we are on a tight budget. My usual lunches are spaghetti (tomato sauce is high in sodium), chicken and yellow rice (rice is high) or stir fry (soy sauce.) My AM snack is half a sandwich and deli meats are high in sodium. I can't substitute frozen meals because they are all high in sodium too. It's a conundrum for sure.